h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I live in London, but I have recently moved to a new flat in a strange area. It gives me a distinct impression of being a ghost town, but one where all the rooms are rented out by City Types at very high prices because there is a sliver of river visible from the bathroom window. If you stand on tippytoes. I just spent a weekend there so I know.

I think you're not supposed to. I think weekends are for retreating to your country property.

Ah ha!

Didn't realise that you were so tall.
Thankyou for drawing my attention to my miscalculation. I am delighted to advise you that because of your being able to take advantage of the River View Amenity, we have decided to allow you the privilege, granted to only a few, of having your rent doubled.
We trust that you will be pleased by the decision. It will increase your standing in the eyes of your friends, and teach you not to boast.

Assuring you of out best wishes for the future,
Messrs Hann, Dover, and Luke Appy,
Property Developers and Funerary Furnishers.

Rats. I knew i shouldn't have spake. Well, as long as i keep quiet about that glimmering swimming pool just built in the block next door i should be okay ...