h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...the scum that they are.

They keep taking our wheelie bin, so much so that at one point we ordered a new one - then ended up with two when they got bored with the first one (or something). So, to avoid any further confusion I painted our bin with our door number quite clearly. They have still managed to get their bin confused with ours, as I discovered tonight when I saw our bin, full of their crap, outside their front door.

I decided that enough was enough, knocked on the door and calmly asked if they would please let us have our wheelie bin back. Cue a tirade of abuse so I couldn't get a word in, some name calling and a door slammed in my face while the guy's banshee of a girlfriend screamed from the living room.

Alright, at the end of the day it's just a bloody wheelie bin. But the principle is that they should learn to damn well leave ours alone. I'm sick of having to run outside as soon as the binmen have been so I can claim what's mine anyway. Luckily they're neds and we don't like them anyway so I had no guilt at all when I reported them for anti social behaviour.

That behaviour always amazes me. Someone does something absolutely wrong. And when you confront them about it they get all 'agro' at YOU!

I see little examples of it nearly daily on the road. I've got a very loud airhorn on the motorcycle. I use it often, especially when some eedjit pulls right out in front of me or runs me out of my lane because they're not paying attention and never even saw me (7 out of 10 there's a cell phone involved). They have to know that they were wreckless, but how dare I honk my horn at them? I should apparently have had the common decency to just go over their bonnet or go under their wheels!

Here's a brilliant bit of backyard battle for your enjoyment, in three parts:

http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/07/22/view-obstruction/
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/08/15/view-obstruction-part-deux/
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/09/18/lawn-chair-war-anti-climatic-conclusion/

Are you going to differentiate between the bits of your life you put on Facebook and the bits you put on hootoo? I'm getting confused...

B

It's good this way, get the short version so I can have a nice swear without getting my messages removed (although the word in question, sometimes it's removed, and sometimes it's not, very confusing!), and this one with more info.

In an ideal world when their door opened the bin would have 'accidently' fallen over, tipping out all over their hall, so fords could retrieve it while they are covered in crap.

I was very tempted to do that actually Mina

In *my* ideal world, the rubbish would have caught fire when it landed inside their hallway.

From the smell of chipfat that seems to emanate from their house, I reckon we wouldn't have to wait long.

It's only a matter of time. Chip fat + fags = accident waiting to happen.

Yeah but the only thing that separates us from their house is the vennel between the two houses

CZ - I rol'd!

"In *my* ideal world, the rubbish would have caught fire when it landed inside their hallway"

Er, got your insurance all sorted out for the possible xmas spent in some sort of hostel? I only ask cos my brother was evacuated (not officially, by my dad) cos him and a couple of other flats in his block were reporting smoke to the fire brigade (er, are they still called that?). No-one could find any fire last I heard, but with a tower block you don't take chances.

Luckily we don't live in a tower block (when living in tenement flats in Edinburgh fire was always my biggest fear, especially cos I usually lived on the top floor) and there's plenty of snow to cushion our falls if we have to jump out the window

Well, one of the eejit neighbours has also been branded stupid. Today EV was outside helping his dad as his car got stuck in the ice. As he was trying to reverse the neighbour walked right round the back of the car. EV muttered "that was stupid" as it was, to which the neighbour replied "oh, stupid am I?" but carried on to his house.

I wonder what would he would have done if EV's dad's car suddenly found some grip, surged backwards and knocked him over?

Mmmh, maybe he's going for a Darwin award... Do your neighbours have kids?

If they do, maybe they are using the extra wheelie bins for goat droppings?

Would have thought if so, you could report them to RSPCA for 'cruel & inhumane living conditions'; goats don't do well in apartments. Not even if they have a decent nanny...

zdt

Someone did that to me today. DERBRAIN! Perhaps luckily my van didn't find any grip so I had to get the shovel out.

Yeah they do have a young 'un. Poor lil bugger, having parents like that...