h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Guess what? About an hour ago I had a profound religious experience. Yes, profound. Let me tell you about it.

I woke up at 9:10 or so. I lied around for a few minutes, not wanting to get up. Then I looked at the clock again and saw that it was about 10:40. Apparently I'd fallen asleep. I was lying in bed (again) not wanting to get up, when I heard a woman's voice outside the door. "Oh, look, there's a kitty!"

Knowing the woman and her child companion would knock soon, I got up and headed for the door. I was greeted by a blond woman, with another woman and a small child in the background. They were each holding binders and a small, thick-looking book. The Holy Bible.

It's time for the Attack of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

"Oh, I'm sorry, looks like we woke you up. We'll just leave this behind and come back later." Now, much as I don't want the Jehovah's Witnesses coming to my door, I want even less to be left with only a pamphlet for company, awaiting their return at some unknown time. "No, no, it's fine."

I've always thought of how fun it would be to tease the Witnesses if they ever came to my door--act really interested and then turn them down, pretend to be a Satanist, practice my melodramatic acting skills. But doing those things would be rude, and I don't like to be impolite to someone who doesn't deserve it. So, I thought, I'll give them a few minutes to convince me. Then maybe I'll bring out the drama.

We talked for maybe twenty minutes, the blonde and I. The other two seemed to be there only for moral support--safety in numbers, I suppose. She and I went back and forth, her telling me what the Bible really means, me trying to find a way to counter her arguments. The most memorable of these is the first one: prophecy.

"One of the reasons I feel so confident in the Bible is because of all the prophecies that were made and came true." She flipped through her Holy Book and showed me a few. (Like, "Nations will fight and people will hate each other.")
(Now, keep in mind I can't remember everything. This conversation didn't happen exactly this way; I've left out some less relevant statements. The quotes are as accurate as I can remember, but they're certainly not perfect. This goes for Scripture as well.)
"But what about Nostradamus or the Eqyptian prophecies? Can't I believe those?"
She told me a Bible story about Jesus and his Apostles casting a demon out of a girl who was under its influence. "While she was possessed, the girl made all these prophecies. Because the demon was so powerful, it could make things happen and make it look like the girl was a prophet."
"But the Bible's prophecies were true because it was the word of God, not a powerful demon?"
"Right."
"Wait, that's a cirle. The Bible is the word of God, so its prophecies are true. Because some of the prophecies the Bible made came true, we can see that the Bible is the word of God. Your final proof is your first assumption. You can't do that."
She didn't seem to understand me. Perhaps I didn't explain it very well.

After fifteen mintues, she repeatedly tried to start what I'm guessing was her 'I'm getting cold and it's time to leave' sequence. "Well, if you'd like to talk about this more, we offer home Bible studies, or..." I didn't want her to leave just yet, so each time I brought the conversation back to Bible discussion. But finally she did manage to end it. She gave me a few pamphlets and her home phone number in case I ever want to set up some Bible studies.

What does all this mean to me? Well, I certainly don't intend to convert. But there is one thing I'll have to do--I suppose it's time to get rid of my button that proudly claims, "Even the Jehovah's Witnesses gave up on me."