h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'Sorry. I seem to have derailed your conversation about your son with talk of my own.'

I wish I knew more, not just so I could share it with you, but also so that I could share it with me! My own feelings are that building on his strengths would probably yield more than just trying to correct weaknesses, although learning coping mechanisms is what I'm told is helpful. Perhaps that's about learning to build in a space between action/provocation and reaction so that the reaction comes from genuine choice rather than auto-pilot.

I tried to teach little a simple meditation some years ago and he really resisted it. I haven't tried since. It might work done with other kids.

How much does J know about his (not yet confirmed) ASD. I haven't yet discussed it with little , although I've discussed ADD with him. Labels are probably two-edged swords. They can help access support, but they can label the child and sometimes people see the label and not the child.

I told J about it, but his answer was 'I don't give a crap', although it hasn't stopped him using it when he wants to.

It's definitely getting him more help by having a label, but I know what you mean them getting in the way. There are things I've done with J, or taught him to do, that I probably wouldn't have done if I'd known he was autistic because I would have assumed he wouldn't be able to cope.

One example is buying things in shops - I make him queue when he's buying something, or if we go to Macdonalds, I queue for the burgers, and if he wants desert he has to go queue and get them. Had I known he was autistic I doubt I would have forced him into talking to strangers, when clearly he has problems doing it. So in one way I'm glad I didn't know - especially as I wonder if he'd be worse with strangers if I hadn't done it.

I don't tell everyone we meet he has autism - I've updated long term friends and family who are aware he's had problems, and I told the orthadontist because she accused him of having a bad attitude because he wouldn't look at her when she was talking, and was barely answering her questions.

We are going to a dog show on Sunday, and if he enters 'best child handler' I will ask them to make sure they judge him on how he handles the dog, rather than how he responds to the judge. I won't tell them exactly why though - none of their business. I'll probably just say he's got some communication difficulties if they want more info.

How did he get on at the dog show?

I agree that it was a good thing in a way that you didn't know about his autism, as it sounds as if he's learned really good lessons about dealing with people. Little is quite good at shopping and queuing for food, although he did have a tendency to go to the front ahead of his turn, but now that he's older, he's not able to do that now. He's also quite good at bargaining. I saw him in a shop when he hadn't quite enough money and the shopkeeper let him have it for what he had. I think he said something like, "will you stand me the 5p" or something of that ilk.

Aww, J always got overlooked at first - much the way women do in car garages if there is a man standing next to them - even if it's the woman who's talking.

Anyway, J doesn't like going to the dog shows - I can understand it as really all he does is stand around holding whatever dog I'm not showing. Sad really, if he'd just join in I'm sure he'd enjoy it, but that is one thing that I know isn't going to happen - he's probably enjoying standing around doing his own thing much better than 'joining in'.

'J always got overlooked at first - much the way women do in car garages if there is a man standing next to them - even if it's the woman who's talking. ' That used to happen a lot to me and it was *so* frustrating! I used to think I was invisible. Doesn't happen now, but I think it was a question of self-confidence (or lack of it) as much as anything else.

So J's coming with you to the shows as your helper, but not taking part?

Little has started going to Scouts and enjoying it. Is J too old for that, or have you tried and he didn't like it?

He does take a turn, but he won't take one dog in while I take another. He did to start with but got bored I think!

The trouble with Scouts is that our local set won't accept J - they keep telling me he's on a waiting list, but they've been saying that for a few years now. He doesn't show any interest in anything but games at the moment, so if he doesn't want to mix, I'm not going to make him - the theory of Luke Jackson there!

Shame - our local scouts are really keen for new members.

Excuse me for being thick - what is the theory of Luke Jackson?

o~

Sorry, Luke Jackson is the 13 yo with AS who wrote a book - I read it recently, and it's helped to make some things clearer - ie J will carry on talking about what he is interested in because he can't tell people aren't interested - and even if we do tell him that after hearing about his latest computer game all day we're all listened out he will still carry on talking.

And that if he is prefectly happy sitting around amusing himself why should I force him to socialise? I do to some extent, obviously, but otherwise as long as he's happy, who am I to tell him how he should be enjoying himself?

'J will carry on talking about what he is interested in because he can't tell people aren't interested - and even if we do tell him that after hearing about his latest computer game all day we're all listened out he will still carry on talking.' That's very familiar to me too!

What was the book called?

It's called Freaks Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome. It's close enough to what J has to be helpful, and it does talk about high functioning autism.

Just back from holidays. Happy New Year!

I'll see if I can get a copy of that book from the library. Did J read it? What did he think?

He read a bit of it, but not very much. I deliberately left it lying around, and then in the loo for weeks!

I don't think he's really interested in it - not a computer game you see!

I do things like that (leaving things aroung hoping that little will be interested) - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. He likes to read before bed-time and if he's in bed on time, he still gets a couple of pages of a story read to him. No doubt J is too old now for bed-time stories! He also gets a kiss and cuddle, which if I go to bed before him (eg if I'm a bit off-colour), he will wake me up to make sure he gets it.

I don't like reading aloud, so J was a bit short on being read to. I did like the Dr Suess books though, so he got those read to him when he was younger. Once he'd started to read he had no patience with being read aloud to - it's so slow!

Once he started senior school he had to put himself to bed, so kisses happen downstairs. Then it's the same old story - doesn't want to go up so tries to spend half an hour kissing all the dog!

I've chased up J's speech and language assessment today. Can't keep hanging about for the NHS!

'I've chased up J's speech and language assessment today. ' Maybe it's a bit like driving a car - it stops if you take your foot off the accelerator.

How did you chase it up - in writing or by phone? Have you had a response?

I phoned them last week. They said they'd phone back and didn't, so I'll be phoning again today.

It's definitely true that if I sit on my backside and do nothing, nothing will happen. Well, not with any speed anyway. I'm sure if I waited long enough it would happen.

'I'm sure if I waited long enough it would happen.' Oh, I must be getting cynical in my old age - my first reaction was '... and Christmas is coming! I have some chasing up myself to do, although I probably won't get round to it until at least next week, as things are very busy at work. Mine is about his next appointment with the paediatrician.

I hope you have better luck than I did. I spent all Monday calling about ten different numbers to get hold of the speech and language therapist. Two turned out to be completely wrong - a couple of them gave me a couple of the other numbers, and the rest were all on voice mail.

I had yesterday off, but have to get back on it today. J's tribunal has been adjorned so I can investigate the other schools the LEA wanted to consider for J (which I also have to chase up) and it gives us time (hopefully) to get the assessment done and his needs fully understood.

I'd never be able to do any of this if I was still at work.

'I'd never be able to do any of this if I was still at work. ' No - I'll keep my fingers firmly crossed for you.

I think I'll be fine as I've spoken to the doctor before who I hope will be doing the next assessment as she told me that it would be good for little to stay with her, rather than have to see a third docter, where there wouldn't be continuity of contact.

When is J's tribunal adjourned to?

To the beginning of March - I asked for it to be between one and two months otherwise the LEA would sit on their backsides again and do nothing. I won't ask for it to be adjorned again.

Didn't get around to any chasing yesterday, so it's back on the list for today.