h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh isn't Christmas sometimes a difficult time. I've been putting off making arrangements because of wanting to please everyone and I've ended up pleasing no-one. Mum and dad wanted me to spend Christmas with them. Roy wanted me to spend Christmas with him and also New Year. Little wants to spend Christmas and New Year here. There are people I'd like to take time out to go and see.

In the end, I agreed to spend Christmas here, then travel to the Isle of Wight immediately after Christmas and come back on New Years Eve. No-one's particularly happy, least of all me.

And being tired probably isn't helping your decision-making?

Christmas is one of those times when everybody expects too much and we all usually end up disappointed.

Opt out Join the bah humbugs

No expectations, then if something good happens, it's a bonus

Hello again, Fb

'Opt out Join the bah humbugs ' - just what I would like to do. I came home in the car, quietly fuming. Roy doesn't want me to cook on Christmas day (I really don't mind) and wanted to go out for a meal. Everywhere was booked, and the nearest time to Christmas day was Friday coming. So I booked a table and I had to go to the restaurant to pay a deposit; they wouldn't take a credit card booking over the phone. He still wants to go out on Christmas day. I don't know if anywhere will be open that's not fully booked. Lots of pubs are open but not catering. You never know, we might end up with a takeaway.

And I'm struggling with the presents. Difficult to find time to buy them and not sure what people want, plus those I've ordered over the internet aren't guaranteed to arrive in time. At the moment, I'm feeling that anything I do isn't good enough and I'm feeling really fed up about it.

Oh yes, and I'm supposed to be having some building work done just after new year. That means clearing out a whole load of stuff. And what am I doing immediately prior to that? Visiting my parents on the IOW. A lot of this is pressure from Roy to sort things out, but it seems to be on a lot of fronts all at once. It just feels too much.

Ah well, no doubt I'll get over it. As you say, it's probably tiredness talking. i think I'll make a really early night of it tonight. No doubt things will feel different tomorrow.

Do you know, it feels much better having got that all off my chest!

Glad to have helped

Can I state the bleedin' obvious... but if Roy's the one who wants to eat out on Monday, why don't you ask him to book a table somewhere? And if he's wanting lots of things sorted out, can't he do some/all of it? Are you being superwoman???? As a past master, I think I recognise some of the signs

'if Roy's the one who wants to eat out on Monday, why don't you ask him to book a table somewhere? And if he's wanting lots of things sorted out, can't he do some/all of it?' I must admit that did come to mind, but I think he things that either his time is more important than mine, or that I have more time than he does.

I don't think that either is true. However, he is having a difficult time with his business which isn't making a lot of money and feels he should be spending his time making calls and putting time into the business. Plus, I think that he thinks as he's coming over to me for Christmas, that I am nearer to anywhere we might want to go. Doesn't really mean a lot to me. I've eaten fish and chips at Christmas with my mum and dad before (we went out for a Christmas meal on another day) and enjoyed it.

Are you planning anything special for Christmas, Fb?

,

I do feel for you. My eldest son said he would do Xmas dinner for us this year which at the time (just after last Chistmas dinner) seemed a great idea. I have never NOT cooked a Xmas dinner since I was about fourteen so I thought "great".

Now I realise it means travelling on Xmas day which I hate, and now he wants us to stay over which I don't want for various reasons. If we don't, though it means more running about for my sons ferrying us back and forth.

It also feels rather funny not to be planning a Christmas dinner, which in spite of all the work I really enjoy. Though I must admit to finding it more tiring every year, even though it runs like clockwork with such long practise.

I am beginning to feel like cancelling Christmas, but no doubt it will all pan out ok in the end.

I think I have said before that Roy suffers from the same manufacturing fault that all (sorry, most!) men have. They think Christmas happens by and they don't need to lift a finger. I'lve got one so I sympathise.

Frenchbean will no doubt be sunning herself on a beach in the sunshine somewhere with a and not a care in the world. Can we all come.

Websailor

Hello Websailor

Mulling over what you said, I first of all agreed with what you said about men, then what you said about your son doing the Christmas dinner this year and thought, 'There's no such thing as a free lunch.' and your thoughts bear this out. You've been cooking Christmas lunch since you were 14! Blimey! How far away is your son?

Actually, I don't mind cooking Christmas dinner. I like cooking, although I'm not the best cook in the world; I find it's quite therapeutic.

The thought of it being Christmas day and sunning myself on a beach somewhere is rather attractive, I do admit. So to Fb!

If you weigh up the hassle and the time involved - getting dressed up and getting to the restaurant on time, ordering and waiting with all the Christmas-stressed staff rushed off their feet and compare it to a meal at home - roast (or your vegetarian alternative) in the oven (or in the pan), peel spuds, put same on to boil, lay table, light candle, sit down, eat - there doesn't seem to be much in it really. And it can only be in Roy's interest to go for the more economical alternative, if business is slow at the moment.

In other words, if cooking the meal is therapeutic for you, then do it. In your comfortable old slippers, listening to Radio 4 with a glass of sherry and all on your own juggling pots in the kitchen. When do we working mums get a chance to do that? Send Roy out for a walk with little to get up an appetite and you'll all feel better afterwards.

I wish we had pubs here, so I could send my four men out for a pint while I spend some "me" time doing silly things like stuffing mushrooms, piping duchesse potatoes and making table decorations out of sprigs of holly from the garden.

I have to tell you - and I suspect this may make you all feel very very - that the thought of Christmas without any expectations and emotions except my own, is a PURE JOY

Whilst I love my family and friends, for many years I have loathed
a) the expectations that Christmas will be this magical time when we all get on beautifully and harmoniously
b) the obscene amount of money that is spent on gifts, food and drink

All in all, I'm more than content to be here, sunning myself by the pool, possibly on the beach, and sharing the odd drink with a few friends over the holidays.

You are all more than welcome to join me. The only condition is that you don't bring Christmas with you

Oh TC, I totally agree with you! Often if I'm a little late in getting food ready, he wants to go out saying it will be quicker. It generally isn't, and it's always more expensive than doing it myself. And he then says he'll go out for a meal by himself if I haven't got it ready by when he wants it. For me, time isn't generally that critical, but for him, if things aren't done at specific times, he's out of his comfort zone, I think.

I didn't use to like cooking, but it can be quite therapeutic as you say. I like the feeling of peeling the potatoes and chopping. I hadn't wanted a bird this year and we had roast beef last year which was delicious, if somewhat expensive, but compared to the cost of going out, it was *very* reasonable. And none of the hassle of travelling to and from a restaurant.

Perhaps I'll have a chat and explain how I feel. Maybe he feels that if I'm cooking he's not getting my attention and I really do think he feels it's a chore for me; it's really not.

... and it's continuing.

Roy came to stay today and immediately wanted to go into London to see the lights and so some shopping, while I was busy doing washing and ironing. It ended with all three of us going out, although I didn't really want to. It was sold to me as being a treat for little to go to Hamleys and Roy wanted to go to a model shop. We got into London and stopped off for a bite to eat and a drink. So far so good. Hamleys was crammed full of people and little did have a great time, until it came to time to leave. He suddenly decided he felt sick and wanted to go home and whinged, whined and moaned. He was a real pain. We went for something to eat and drink and the whinging got worse. He tried to apologise and an apology wouldn't come out. He dragged his feet. Eventually when we got to the model shop, it had just closed and Roy was really cross. I came back with a really tight feeling in my stomach. Little was full of self-recrimination and apologies. I'm feeling like a wet dish rag.

Oh,

I o feel for you. When PHM is home he plays Foreman and drives me to distraction. I know what I have to do, how long it takes, and I can do three or four jobs at once quite competently, except when he is around. Fortunately he doesn't 'Do' meals out, and never has, and is not too bad about mealtimes in the week. He likes his Sunday lunch on the dot. If someone is calling for him and they are a minute late he goes ballistic (at me, thank goodness!)

Now that is all very well, as we are married but I am not sure I could put up with that level of control if we weren't. I certainly didn't in our early days efore we got spliced!

It clearly gets you all knotted up which is such a shame. Poor little . It was probably too much excitement for him .

I got a joke from a friend today, which - condensed - says this:

"Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row
raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

No comment Take care. Hope little is better and you are too.


Websailor

How's little now? I hope he's recovered with a good sleep.

ZSF... what are you doing this Xmas that *you* want to do? Not what somebody else wants, expects or happens to feel like doing, but something that you want to do for your own reasons? Is it possible to aim for one thing each day that you do for yourself? It can be a really small thing that you feel confident you will achieve, like have 15 minutes to yourself in a bath, or finish the ironing, or a 20 minute snooze in front of the telly... One thing a day soon adds up to 7 things a week

'The thought of Christmas without any expectations and emotions except my own, is a PURE JOY .' I think I must have simulposted with this as I hadn't seen it. I do like the idea enormously, FB. However there is the expectation that little will have a magical Christmas, and I suspect that Christmas is really more for children.

It seems to me that the spiritual side of Christmas could easily be served by small tokens. I recognise that the timing was go subsume a pagan midwinter festival (in Northern Europe certainly) - shortest days, least fertile season and that the 'decorations' and 'presents' aspects are to do with bringing in the green and vibrant and making sacrifice for the next year's bounty.

In all likelihood, we could do much better about being grateful and thankful for these; I certainly could.

Hi Websailor 'Now that is all very well, as we are married but I am not sure I could put up with that level of control if we weren't. I certainly didn't in our early days efore we got spliced!' Yes, I've been thinking this. Certainly at present, I don't feel inclined to get spliced. However there are distinct advantages to the arrangement at the present. I feel I'm growing as a person. He tells me he is too. Also he's good for little and his growth. Who knows that the future may hold.

So wedding cake is supposed to cause the most grief and suffering for years after eating it? Sometimes seems that way, but I also know that intimate relationships are also the source of the most incredible joy as well as personal growth. My parents have been married over 56 years. Last Christmas my mum told me that she'd asked my dad if they both died and he saw her coming towards her in heaven, would he hide, and dad said, 'I'd come running!' ... ...

Hi Fb (again) - little was right as rain in the morning. He didn't mention it and neither did we. He did say that he'd really enjoyed Hamleys and would like to go there again. I got him a present from there (a magic set) that he told us on the way home he's really like.

I think that what I'd really like to do for myself is to play the trumpet each day. Today Roy is off on his own into town to finish visiting the places he wanted to visit and I've made a start on some accounts and I'll be finishing off the ironing and generally getting on with housework. We did agree to have Xmas lunch at home, thank goodness. I'll do as much prep as possible on Christmas eve.

ZSF,

<>

Brought tears to my eyes. Marriages like that must be wonderful. I suppose there are more of them than we realise, we just don't hear about them. Perhaps we should celebrate them more. They could certainly teach us a thing or two. Have they any tips

Have a Happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year. I hope it has good things in store for you and little

and a for little

Websailor

To you all,

A blessed Christmas and all good wishes for 2007.

It is good to read about my friends chatting to one another!!.

I am slowly coming to terms that the first of my siblings has gone to his eternal rest.

We shall have our first Christmas lunch without him - for fourteen years - ever since we arrived in the UK.

With affection

Christiand and Keith.

Hello Websailor

'Brought tears to my eyes. Marriages like that must be wonderful.' My dad's parents were married for over 60 years and they were also a great couple. I only ever once saw them arguing and it was about something really silly (or so I thought). Thing about my parents, I realise that my mum gave me the gift of spirituality and also the urge to enquire and discover. My dad made sure that we had a stable upbringing and also that we had fun.

Have they any tips? Do you know, I don't know what they'd say to that. Probably they have always kept their lines of communication open. They talk together a lot. Usually when I go to visit them, I can hear them chatting together after I've gone to bed.

Hello Christiane

We remembered you, David and Keith at our prayers before breakfast this morning. I do wish you a peaceful and blessed Christmas. I know you feel David's loss deeply and miss him enormously.

I found a really lovely prayer and I send it to everyone:

This is my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays!

Little had a lovely time opening presents this morning and the one he likes best is a box of magic tricks which we got from Hamleys for him.

We'll be off to the Isle of Wight on Wednesday. I phoned mum and dad this morning and dad is recovering well from his operation. He says that he's rather glad we aren't there at the moment as it will give him more of a chance to recover from the op. I'm not sure if he's ventured out yet as he was still in pain when I spoke with him.

God bless for a wonderful Christmas.