h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've been noticing lately that I've not been allowing myself enough private time... you know, that time of the day that you just devote 100% to yourself? I've not been doing that lately. I have been thinking a lot about things lately though. I suppose that could be construed as private time.

Some thoughts I've been churning through my mind is about my friend, Steve. We've been friends for about 4 years now. Just a little under 4 maybe. We work together. We moved with the company together. We go to shows together. We watch movies together. We eat together sometimes. We talk. We laugh. We cry. We've shared a lot over these last few years. Lately, we've been distant. He's not come around like he had been. We've not gone to any shows lately. We've not gone to any movies lately. We've not eaten together lately. We've barely spoken to one another. I miss him. Funny about it all is that we still work together, we just seem to be missing one another all the time.

I need some more private time. I think I may have a breakdown if I don't.

Devote 100% to yourself, but don't start in on the "This is what I've done wrong and it is all my fault" track, okay? I don't think that that would help, and I don't want you to have a breakdown. *weak grin* Very little of anything is your fault, because the blame equally rests on *everyone* you've ever had contact with. Which means I hold as much blame as you do, as your son does, as Steve does, as your ex does, as *anyone* does. *hug*

Of course you know better than I do about all this, too...



Love, Peace, and Hope for the Future.

Sometimes I just *blurt* out what's on my mind. I don't necessarily think when I write (or talk sometimes) I just *speak* what's hiding in there. Sometimes it is alright to do that.. sometimes you worry people who care about you. I don't mean to worry anyone... I've just been feeling a bit lost lately and no matter how hard I try to sit and rationalize and try to figure it out, the answers are still lost. My mind tells me things my heart denies and vice versa, but doesn't that happen to everyone sometime? I'm glad that I have people like you, Shee.. and Ellen.. and Willem... people whom I've not met in the physical world, but *know* in the realm of caring, and compassion. I can speak my mind. I can cry a little. I can laugh a lot. And none of you look down on me for my queer postings. You know what I mean, right?

Thanks for supporting me, Shee. You are always there with a little note for me.. a smiley or two... a much needed hug.. and the advice that could only come from someone who truly gives a damn! I appreciate it.. more than you know.

WINK

You're of course welcome. And that didn't worry me any more than I was worrying before, either. I just...

I think, this is what has happened to me, so I go off of that and said that stuff up there... And then I think a bit more and think, well of course she realises this, she has gone through it all before too, probably more times, and she knows herself better than I do. So I feel like I'm bossing you around or mothering you or bothering you, and it is bad. So please forgive me if I ever come off like that, okay?

Honey, don't even think like that. Sometimes I *don't* know myself. And every once in a while you need someone to bring you back down out of the clouds onto solid ground... wake you up from your dream. If that's being 'motherly' or 'bossy'.. heh, so be it! That's what friends.. *real* friends do for one another. You are not, in any way, bothering me. You are keeping me level headed.. more than you know. It's almost like you are the little voice inside my head telling me what I know and feel like is right... you put it into words and I *see* them and then I can't ignore them! So there's really nothing to forgive... only a hug and a smile and know that you are a special person to me to be able to tell me what I need to hear when I need to hear it! You're a great friend and I am blessed having you to talk to and have listen.

WINK

Aw, you make me feel so good! *happy little eyes*

Anytime!

Do you ever post to those "what do you think" things on the front page? I was going to post my recipe for pecan pie on the one on pies they had a month ago, but someone beat me to it... I LOVE pecan pie! Anyway, they've got one on dreams now. I just posted my dream I told you and Ellen about some time ago... the one I think was linked to Waco? Remember? I hope others in the hootoo community don't think I'm some kind of loon for that. I believe that some people's dreams hold answers to questions... maybe mine are... maybe they aren't. But I wanted to share.

WINK

It's so sunny and pretty here today. I'm hoping I can leave a little early today. Steve just called me. He's off today. Just called me out of the blue. Some people are going out tonight and he called to ask if I was going or not. Said he's meant to call me earlier, but kept getting busy. Said he was missing me. *aw* Maybe I should go. Don't really have the money to be spending, but what the heck.. right? Live life! Carpe diem! Sieze the Day!

Seize the Night, more like.

I wrote up a bit about clarinet and saxophone when they had "Taking Up a Musical Instrument" up over there, and that made it into the Guide... I also posted a bit before about restaurants (ie, leave only 2cents if you want to let the person know you think the service was awful, because otherwise it looks like you've forgotten the tip) but that didn't make it.

I don't know about posting dreams... Actually, I just had one yesterday that is actually a repeat... I get those sometimes. Like, my brain makes up its idea of what a place will look like and I dream it. Then later, when I'm going back to there (even though I know what the actual place looks like), I dream that I am in the dream-place... It's odd. *shrug*

If you went, I hope you had a lot of fun.

Glad you posted the Waco dream - it was spooky, intense, and captivating. -Ellen

Thursday didn't turn out like I had envisioned it to. I really didn't have that good of a time. It effected my entire weekend. I will email you *privately* and tell you what happened. Maybe I'm taking this too seriously. Maybe I'm not. I wish I'd just stayed in bed this morning.

WINK

WINK

WINK