h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Everyone thinks my row with Az is a personal row, but to me there is a much bigger picture. Which is the right to get over trauma in your own time and your own way.

Az did support the right of someone posting to my journal who was making fun of people who have had trauma in their lives. She didn't support our right to have a space to speak in the way we want to.

I know she has also been abused, and she must deal with that in her own way. I do not think it is a kind way though, to stamp on others who are still raw and finding it difficult coming to terms with stuff.

I am always aware that someone maybe reading my journal who is suffering the same abuse I did, maybe even have to suffer it that day. They need to see it is possible to get over it and continue to live. That one day, it won't be the most important thing in your life, but just one of the important things. They also need to see that it is okay to talk about it.

As a child being abused, you are continually threatened that bad things will happen if you talk about whats happening. People who have been abused need to know its okay to talk, what happened in my journal that day, proved that in many places it is not okay to talk.

I cannot be a place which supports that. I am not just fighting for me, but all those still being abused. They have rights and needs to. They do not always need to be brushed over, it may not be a nice thing to talk about, but we need to talk about it. You cannot expect a child being abused to shut up just because you have had enough of hearing about it.

That is the basis of the disagreement, not having a short fuse, or huffing and puffing, or being upset for no reason.

Everyone who read my journal knew the sort of things I talked about, it was easy enough to avoid if don't like hearing that sort of thing.

Anyway, if you see my eyes, I am just collecting journals for my diary.
You can contact me here
[email protected]

If you have been abused, please contact me, there are places where it is safe to talk. You can get over it, but you need to in your own time, not anyone elses.

BTW Willem, the Magpie Goose wouldn't let anyone else near it, I felt so very honoured!!

Nearly forgot, will be removing everyone from my friends list.

I know how annoying it is, to have people on your list who have left, cluttering it up!

Hey Kaz,

I understand your position and respect your decision. I would like if you didn't leave, because at the very least over here you are one of the voices speaking about this topic that very few other people even want to think about. This place will lose your voice. But maybe some other place might gain your voice. I'm certain you could do some good wherever you are ...

I'll be interested if you continue your efforts in some other place.

In my own case, I've not experienced sexual abuse as a child, but other forms of abuse, mainly psychological (if 'brainwashing' can be called that ...). But I know plenty of people who have experienced child sexual abuse, as well as physical abuse. Some of those people are extremely close to me. It is a very sensitive issue, and then some people react to it in such a very insensitive way. For instance, one time this person that I'm very close to described to another person how a teacher used to abuse him/her, along with large numbers of the other kids, and the other person responded by laughing at it! Long and hard almost like a braying donkey. Oh, how funny, to hear about the silly kids and the silly old teacher!

Stuff like this may have 'hardened' me ... I personally feel that in this world, you're going to get this sort of reaction wherever you may go. Some people just will not, or cannot, understand, or 'respond' to this sort of thing, because it's such a total taboo topic. I *do* think the taboos need to be broken down. Doing so may be very difficult and demand some fortitude ...

Then there are some people who simply don't want their own 'fun' to be spoiled by people who are having a hard time.

Basically the world is a big silly old place.

I was bothered by az not being the least bit bothered,
Amazing Shame she sees No insult

Shame you are leaving.

I will miss you being here Kaz.
Take care of yourself.
Hope you'll keep my email handy.



*fuels my current depressed world view*

A very sad situation, but you have to do what you feel is best for you. If you change your mind later, no doubt h2g2 will still be here.

take care,

terri

Please keep in touch via email!

Kaz

See you at the conference? (Croydon)

Do you have my mobile?

Jez

I was bothered by Az's not realizing, or acknowledging, what she'd done, either. All I saw (and I've seen her give this line to Kaz before, not very supportive to Kaz specifically, not very compassionate or caring to people in general) is the usual reaction of "Kaz, calm down" and "Kaz, come off it", and "Kaz, stop over-reacting". I would have felt PERSONALLY picked at and offended if someone did something like that to me. But I also agree with Kaz that it doesn't make this seem a very good place for people who wish to talk about stuff to do so. People have tried very hard, it seems, to make it impossible for Kaz to offer any kind of help to other people who might read her entires because they want to see how other people cope with stuff. As she says, if you don't like what's being said on someone's journal, then butt the hell out. But remember, it's been done to me, too. I can't talk here about a former friend who's trying very hard to abuse and manipulate me right now, unless I do it by IM or email.

Kaz, do stay in touch by email and also please, PLEASE let me know if you set something up at yahoo or MSN or anywhere else so I can find you there.

Can I just say that if there's any bile to be had, I'd rather it was directed at me, than Az? There's no guarantee I'll pay any attention, of course, but it seems fairer.

That seems fair enough

zdt

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "bile", KerrAvon. I've been here for just over two and a half years, and have been friends with Kaz for most of that time. During that time, I have seen a pattern of Az visiting Kaz's journals and posting things along the lines of "you're over-reacting Kaz, get over yourself". I can't read minds, so it's not for me to say what motivates this kind of remark, although I'm sure it's quite possible that it's meant to be constructive. However, some people, and this includes Kaz, and myself, don't take well to being told how to think, feel, or react. A person's perceptions, no matter how far off the mark they may be in reality, are always valid, and nothing invalidates them more quickly than being told "you shouldn't feel that way". And when someone has expressed to another person the way being told these kinds of things makes them feel, and the other person doesn't try not to do it, it makes it really hard to want to continue friendship, acquaintanceship, or any other kind of discourse with that person. I can understand this, and think it's perfectly reasonable.

I also think it would be much more respectful to Kaz if, when she asks someone not to post to her journal entries, if her wish was honored. Feeling vulnerable to attack and ill at ease is not a very good incentive to make someone stick around. I, for one, would like to see Kaz do so. But I'll stay in touch with her irregardless and will not sit silently by and watch her be hurt and insulted.

for psychocandy

I think KerrAvon means that Az is blameless, and Kerr wants to take all the blame. If there's any blame to be had, from her point of view. I don't think she'll care, either way. I'm not surprised she posted here, after being requested not to.

That's Kerr. She must lead a really boring life.

If I were you, Kaz, I'd just ignore her. Indifference beats the