h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You must have pressed option three. Well, there is no advice team, I'm afraid. There's just me, Muggins here, who has to research amd write entries, write introductions, reassure the families of those lost at Disaster Area concerts and now, on top of all that, I have to answer your messages as well! Well, that's just great. Honestly.

All right: you want to know about the dedicated Hotblack Desiato Advice Team? Fine. I'm Thom Smith, aka. "Smooth", "Slic", "The Bomb", "Muggins", "Oi You" and, on occasion, "Loser", "Gibbot" and "Nutball". I'm 18 and sober, which is probably a contradiction, and I spend way too much time by myself. I play guitar and clarinet, both badly, but well enough to convince people who should know better that I actually know what I'm doing. I also write songs and literature, both unspeakable, plus I'm not above bursting into a song or, more and more frequently, a rap.

I have parents, which is nice; and an irritating older brother, which is not - but at least he doesn't live here. We also have a cat, Lizzie, who makes like she owns the place, plus an infestation of mice who really do own the place. I wear glasses when I feel like it, my bedroom wallpaper is blue, and you really wouldn't want to meet me in real life. Oh, I do Jiu Jitsu as well, almost as badly as I sing, and I am currently single on a permanent basis (if you say "ahhhhh!" I will beat you to death). I'm probably going to Sheffield Uni next year to do electronic engineering. That said, my brother lives in Sheffield, so I may yet change my mind.

That's it. Lovely to meet you, yada yada yada, now go and do something more interesting with your lives. I, for one, have more important things to do.

Thom Smooth

Thom, all this I know. However, I feel that I should grace this with a reply as it appeared (as if by magic) on my ps. Mostly as i added you to my friends ages ago...

Firstly; a few additional names: "All round nice guy", "Harmony Singer Extrodenaire" (ooo....I cant spell!), "Sexy" (honest! Ive heard people say it, its not just me!), "Bob", "Squidward" (your SpongeBob Square-Pants name).

Secondly: You've not been so very sober of late. Although generally you seem to be on good form.

Thirdly: I love your songs. They may not always be in my style, but they are amazing. You should be more proud of yourself!

Forthly: I know you have a cat, shes named after me!

Well, thats it, apparet from to say: "Aaaaahhhh....!".
Right, now I really am done being nice. Its disgusting and I dont understand it.

Elbow xxxx