h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Chatting with my dad today, he recounted the tale of the latest thing to be handed in to the Lost Property office at the Bus Depot. Mostly it's mundane items that get handed in: wallets & purses,(usually empty), umbrellas, coats, kids toys, that kind of thing. Sometimes it gets a bit more interesting. Over the last ten years or so, he's seen computers, (not just laptops - a PC, monitor & keyboard on one occasion), mobile phones, a couple of wheelchairs, a prosthetic hand and a pickled foetus.

How do you walk off a bus and forget your wheelchair? Has Brian Soutar been conversing with the big G to imbue his buses with miraculous powers? What do they think when they get home? "Where did I put my pickled foetus?"

Best of all is when someone leaves their groceries, which is quite often. These don't get kept for the usual six months as the food would spoil, so he usually waits a day then gives it to one of the drivers. Unless it's M & S, then he claims it for himself, (One does have standards after all.)

But today was a bit more towards the unusual spectrum. A driver brought in a finger. They're not sure if it's a small index finger or a large pinky, but it's probably a blokes. Still a bit bloody too. The driver was a bit perplexed. He hadn't noticed anyone getting off the bus with less digits than they had when they boarded and nobody had made any indication that their finger had decided to seek their own way to the terminal, (along the lines of "Well, bless my soul, my finger has just fallen orf"). Maybe they hadn't noticed yet. My dad checked company procedure and could find nothing in the book about errant fingers, although he did find the section about distressed ladies giving birth on company vehicles. So he phoned the Police, who tried to give him a crime number. When he pointed out that a crime need not necessarily have taken place and he wanted to know what to do with the now rigid digit, he was told to hang on to it for a day or two in case anyone claims it. In the meantime, the police would remember to call him if anyone gets in touch with them wanting to be re-united with their appendage.

So, the finger is currently residing in the freezer compartment of the fridge in the driver's rest room. Hopefully, no-one will mistake it for a crabstick.

Given some of the typing I've seen on HooToo today, the thought occurred to me that it might be a HooTooer.

Well, the Police turned up and my dad gave them the finger. They didn't say what they wanted it for. I would suspect they are going to use it themselves. They probably wear out a lot of fingers whilst scratching their backsides.

And now giggling uncontrolably. Did he ever find the fate of the finger?

"Well, the Police turned up and my dad gave them the finger."

And how did they react to that?

A play on words No, they never said why they wanted it or if they'd learned anything about the original owner.

Personally, I think they're going to glue it to the dashboard of their Panda car to keep the doughnuts from rolling out of reach

That is just totally bizarre...

Y'know it's very odd. I'd assumed that if I found a finger and called the police that ten cop cars plus would whizz round with lights flashing and sirens wailing. "Just hang on to it and see if anyone collects it" is the last response I'd expect.

You have, however, given me a great idea. And I state the idea thus: "What's the strangest object I can leave on the bus?"

Hmmm, toenail clippings would be a good start. You could pin a note onto the bag of clippings with a random name and what voodoo ritual you're going to perform with them