h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, Friday started off as a bad day where I had to go in to work early for some sort of corporate brainwashing (they call it "training") on how to associate and effectively communicate with the staff under my management. I do admit that I learned a couple of impressive tricks on how to get out of an argument with a co-worker or underling. And I also learned how to effectively communicate my displeasure with said underlings without going off into a brutal tirade on their awful work ethic and their pathetic quality and production. But I found myself not being able to pay attention to the last few minutes of the session due to the rapidly swelling area around my eyes.

Apparently I had what medical professionals call an "acute allergic reaction". I don't know if it was related to the food I had during a break from the meeting (a Mountain Dew and an oatmeal, nut and raisin cookie) or if I was just allergic to the B.S. that I was being subjucated to. It all started with a rapid succession of sneezes, followed by a runny nose and watering eyes immediately after ingesting said cookie. I assumed it was the normal dust in the air and summertime pollen alergies that affect many people. But after a few moments I found the watering and stinging of my eyes to be unbearable. And so I excused myself from the meeting to exhasperated looks from the trainer and my corporate peers.

As I walked into the restroom I glanced into the mirror on the way to a stall to retrieve some toilet paper with which to blow my nose. What I saw in the mirror, to my horror, were two horribly disfigured and reddened ocular cavities. My eyes were so swollen that I looked like an asian man who had been repeatedly punched in the eyes.

And so I rinsed my face off and blew my nose, all the while my eyes burning and watering. I made my way back to the conference room and announced that I was having some sort of allergic reaction. The concern about my well being that registered on the faces of my corporate peers was this - absolutely no reaction. They just sort of shrugged their shoulders and turned back to the trainer who of course continued with said training. So like a good corporate stooge I didn't want to be rude and interrupt an important meeting with a petty medical emergency. The meeting just had 5 minutes to go so I waited for it to be adjourned.

I then made it to my work area to check on my unit, or team, of employee's. I informed them that I would not be available for the rest of the day, as I was off to the emergency room to seek urgent medical treatment for my horribly disfigured eyes. The concern I got from my employee's was only slightly more than that of my so-called friends and peers.

And so, having excused myself for my rude outburst of allergenic behavior, I made my way to my car and drove to my mother's house to seek medical advice. See, I may be a member of middle management at a national corporate insurance brokerage firm, but I still had financial concerns. My lovely medical benefits include a ridiculous copayment and deductable amount before I actually receive any benefits. And so, having gotten to dear mother's house and finding her not there. I chose to seek out my step-father. He suggested I check the internet for information on allergic reactions and what should be done. And so, after deducting that I must be allergic to peanuts we did a search on Google.com for "peanut allergy".

Needless to say step-father and myself found all sorts of useless information on the internet. All useless, except for one little tidbit of knowledge. It seems that allergic reactions to peanuts are quite often fatal! Having been completely terrified by this information I decided I should seek medical care. However, my eyes were so painfully swollen and watering at this point that I was afraid to drive. I wanted dear step-father to drive me to the E.R. but he suggested waiting for mother. I, of course, disagreed with this course of action due to the fear of dying.

And so, after nervous pacing in the front yard of my parents house waiting for mother to arrive, reliable old step-father asked if I would like a ride to the hospital. Being the ever grateful stepson that I am I said "yes please, I would like to not die any time soon".

So we climbed into Carl's (that's stepfather) old Ford truck and drive at a blinding speed of 30 miles per hour to the hospital. Of course with a stopover at the local supermarket to look for mother's vehicle, and then a stop at sister's house to find her or mother. Neither courses of action proved to be fruitful, so I kindly asked stepfather to take me to the hospital, now please.

We reached the emergency room entrance and stepfather dropped me off saying, "I am going home, but I will tell your mom what has happened and have her come get you." Oblidged to get the second highest amount of concern I could from any one person that day, I thanked Carl and made my way inside the E.R.

When I got in the waiting area there were all sorts of people waiting there, and I walked up to the triage area. Several nurses passed me by and visibly cringed at my ever swelling eyes, but none offered asistance. Finally, I found a billing clerk and said "I think I am having a serious allergic reaction to peanuts. I think I need to be seen immediately." And so, this kind woman brought me into the inner echelon of the triage area where I had to wait for some elderly woman to clumsily remove herself from the area so I could be examined. I had my blood pressure and temperature taken and got the vital questions that are asked in emergency situations, such as my birthdate, religious affiliation and place of employment.

Finally, blessed relief would come. I would be admitted into urgent care. But no, I had to wait several more minutes for someone to see me. After stumbling around the curtain area I was asked to be seated on a gurney, where the kindly billing clerk came to retrieve my insurance card and information.

Several minutes later, and a bout of extreme nervousness not withstanding, I was finally seen by a very nice (and beautiful) nurse. She asked me the same questions I was asked by the triage nurse and walked away.

Another several minutes later I was seen by a doctor with a limp. He had apparently been kicked by a screaming child in the next curtain over. He listened to my breathing with a stethoscope and asked the same questions I had already been asked twice in the last 30 minutes. He left, seemingly satisfied that I had indeed some sort of medical emergency. The pretty nurse came back and advised me that I would need to be on a I.V. of antihistimines and also some steroids. Placing said I.V. oh so gently into a vain on the top of my left hand (squirting blood all over her smock and on my leg and the floor below in the process) I received said antihistimines. Now, this nurse said I would feel slightly sleepy from this. And let me tell you, within moments I was out for the count.

I lay back on the gurney for some restless sleep. The screaming child was still screaming. There was several people walking by talking loudly. Laughing members of the medical staff. Things being dropped. For goodness sake, wasn't this a hospital?! What happened to being quiet in hospitals?

The nurse came back and gave me the steroid pills and advised me I would be kep for observation until the swelling around my eyes went down. Having noticed that the I.V. in my hand no longer had anything going into it, I wondered if now would be the time to remove it. But being fairly untrained at medical procedures, I did not question leaving the IV in. Perhaps I would be injected with more drugs? I certainly didn't want to be poked again. So I said nothing about it.

After roughly another half hour of "rest" on the gurney the nurse came back with some papers for me to sign and with my prescription and directions for said prescription. As I signed, she said I was all done and could go, but to not drive. She asked if someone was there to get me and I said that I thought mother was there. She said I was good to go then and started off. I, being curious about the IV in my hand again, finally asked if it could be removed, please.

"Oh yea, hahaha", said the nurse "Don't want to be leaving that in your hand. Now this is going to hurt." Being that the IV was taped down with what appeared to be a large piece of clear "masking" or "duct" tape, I agreed that yes this would hurt, and asked would she just rip it off quickly. Being the skilled medical professional she is, the nurse totally ignored this request and ripped off the tape and ripped out the IV in three painful tugs at the flesh and hair on my hand.

I made my way out to waiting room expecting to see concerned members of my immediate family waiting there for me. And the number of family members waiting there for me you ask? None! Dissapointed, and still disoriented from my days experiance as well as from the medication received, I made my way to some pay phones. Reaching into my pocket with my left hand, after several clumsy attempts to get change from the left hand pocket with my right hand, I succeeded in getting some coins from my pocket as well as blood on my trousers.

"Hello?", said mother.
"Hi, it's me. I am at the emergency room ready for someone to come get me now.", I said.
"Oh right, Carl said you went there, but he didn't know what was going on.", mom said.
I remarked, "Well he saw my eyes and he brough me here. I figured he had a good idea. And frankly I am surprised no one was here waiting for me. Weren't you worried about me?"
"Of course I was", said mother, "I just didn't know what to do."

Having been insulted by the lack of concern from my co-workers, family members and medical staff, I gave up my attempts and sympathy in disgust. "OK, well would you come get me please?", I said.

Shortly afterwards my brother came to get me. I had him drive me to a local pharmacy to get my presciption filled.

Now of all people to receive the most sympathy from that day, the one person I least expected it from was a pharmacist. This pharmacist being a mildly attractive young woman made the experience all the more pleasant. Turns out, she was a friend of my brothers bakc in school days. She actually asked me what happened and asked me if I was alright. This was a heck of a lot more than I got from anyone else that day, so I accepted the concern graciously and paid for my prescription less convinced that the world was filled with heartless b*st*rds.

So ends my tale, I've spent this weekend alternating between nausea from the steroids to catatonia from the Benadryl the doctor advised me to purchase. But alls well that ends well. Just had a pleasant mother's day with the family which included the usual insane, shrew-like screaming of my mother. Some moments in this day made me wish I had died from the suspected allergic reaction to peanuts. Maybe then I would have gotten some kind of sympathy from someone. Then again, maybe not. Fact is, I really don't care about this dream of sympathy anymore. I have come to realize that you have to take care of yourself and you can't rely on others, not even your family.

Hi, saw a link to this from peer reiview. My god you know some heartless people, remind me never to say hello to them.
I thought I'd write as I was in hospital having just had an operation on my ankle a couple of years ago. When the anaethsetic wore off they routinely gave me a morphine jab. Two minutes later I started getting serious abdominal pains (around the diaphragm area) so I buzzed the nurse, whose response was to think I had indigestion (like I'd eaten anything for 24 hours!) and she toddled off to get my some bicarb. The pain got so bad that.....


....I awoke with a crash team around me. I had only just recovered in time to avoid them resuscitating me with adrenalin...

The pain returned, I passed out again...and again... at least four times - although less badly each time.

They X-rayed me for gall stones, poked and prodded me but could find nothing wrong.

It turns out I'm allergic to morphine. This was the scariest incident of my entire life, when I was in serious agony (and it was pretty much a heart attack it induced, or so I'm told anyway) there was nothing I or they could do about it and that is frightening while its happening.

Luckily I had a bit more concern from those around me. The next morning all the people in the ward with me were very concerned for my health, which was nice - I think it woke them up (twas about 2 am when it happened).

I will never have morphine again! I dunno if you *know* what caused your allergy or whether only you suspect it is peanuts. My advice is - find out! It is not the first attack that kills you, it is the second.

Good Luck.