h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is actually a very old apprieciation of the film, I just hadn't got around to posting it here yet. And no I don't know anything about the game history of this film, but I don't care. What follows stands for what I think about the film.

The 2 main reasons the film sucks ass... (others to numerous to count)

1.Lara Croft is the woman every woman wants to be.

Stunningly Sexy yet Unavailable
Doesn't have to do a 9-5
Tailor made wardrobe that looks great
Kicks Ass Impressively

So you should come out of the film thinking 'I wish I could be like Lara Croft'

I came out of the film thinking 'If I were Lara Croft I would be Lara Croft Better'

2. There are no villans.

James Bond has been suffering from the same problem. Since the cold war ended the tacky movie industry has been suffering a lack of convincing, non-politically-inflammatory villans. THe past decade has been all about everyone having a bit of dark, but equally everyone having a bit of like. A completely self serving self obsessed and f**k the rest of the world villan just doesn't work. In science fiction/fantasy it does but this is meant to be quasi-reality.

And with just these two points you can change the entire movie for the better.

Lara Croft is the baddie.

or at the very least an anti hero.
I mean she's a tomb raider. Not an archeologist. That means she's a thief. Right. Anti-hero, not saving the world hero. Out for herself, going to steal to get what she wants.

So same film, or at least same major plot line, just without idiotic baddie. Lara Croft wants to have her daddy back so she steals two halves of mystic triangle and understandably the locals aren't too happy. She's not exactly a great canditate for wielding absolute power either so have Goodies chasing her to stop her.

Sees Dad, who tells her it's not a good idea, she goes ahead anyway . . . . .

So since we're remaking the film might as well get some of the other little niggles sorted out as well .