h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I paid a visit to my Uncle Roland today, for the first time in several weeks. He didn't appear to have noticed my lengthy absence from his life, and welcomed me as warmly as ever with a shake of his fist and a few muttered curses. He was 'inventing,' as usual, and wanted to show me his most recent creation.

I was understandably wary, because although my Uncle's inventions have never been observed to actually function, they do occasionally collapse unexpectedly. In fact I recall an occasion when a 'Dragon Repeller' actually exploded, sending debris flying in all directios; tennis balls, ceramic figurines, plastic cups and the like. And let us not forget the rare first edition of 'Les Fleurs du Mal,' which hit me squarely upon the forehead. Such are the usual components of my uncle's invetions.

Anyway, Uncle Roland led me into his workshop, and gesticulating with his arms, said 'My time machine.' It was of a size I had never before seen in my uncle's inventions, filling almost the entire workshop. I noticed several mice running in treadmills among the workings of the machine. I have been nervous of mice ever since one used to keep me awake at night by coming into my bedroom and looking at me in a threatening manner. As my Unce Roland has a tendancy to use me as a guinea pig for his inventions, at this point I hastily made my excuses and left.