h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I HATE being sick.

Then STOP IT! Stop it NOW.
You have been told.

I also hate it.

Did you give me the flu? I strongly suspect that this is some sort of sneeky thing that you would tiptoe in and do while I wasn't looking. I have my EYE on you, sicky.

Meanwhile, please take these condolences tissues. I've used them, maybe if we have separate illnesses they can battle it out and kill each other off.

It's a plan.

My tissues would probably eat yours the way I'm feeling.

Poor thing. Cyberhugs don't transfer germs, thankfully, so I at least can't make it any worse.

*HUG* *HUG* *HUG*

Poor baby.

Pah! Sympathy is for weaklings.
Get well, man, the world depends on it...

Have you taken your medicine yet?

All I have is her codeine-laced cough syrup. Dare I?

You dare, you dare!

You could always try chocolate milk, it may not make you feel better but at least it tastes good

Chocolate Codine Milk. Mmmmmmm.

Except I'm allergic to Codine. I need to have morphine.

Chocolate Morphine Milk. MMmmmmm.

*goes to get some* She took it to work with her! No fair!

Hmmm, what to do...

Guess I'll grind up aspirin and throw it in the bathtub so's I can soak in good-feeling-ness.

*walks in in health-inspector mode*

Never ever, folks...never ever drink your bath water. With or without asprin.

*puts a tick on her clipboard*

But..but...but...I was just gonna soak in it.

Oh come now...you were going to drink it and everybody knows it.

Why do you think I gave that public service announcement?

She's right, you know. Why, I was just wandering by and those three people over there (*points helpfully*) were all saying "Oh My BOB! That man's going to drink his aspirin-laced bathwater. Someone stop him! In the name of all that's good and holy someone PLEASE stop him."

That one (*points again*) even said "Oh, the humanity."

'strue. Every last little word.