h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here I am, bored out of my skull as I wait for a GC-FID sample to elute...
AAAAAAAAAGH!
Damn it, now my head is full of dwarfs!
Why, God, why?

Sorry to butt in but, what is a GC-FID sample? Have just looked up elute aswell so am in no need of any elucidation there

How are the dwarves? I like dwarves - far more interesting than elves dontchathink

Byebyebyebyebye

I work in environmental chemistry, analysing waters via a Gas Chromatograph/Flame Ionisation Detector.

The dwarfs are all dead, the faeries ate them.

Right
Right

Is that....good then. The Gas chrome-thingy and Flame iron-thingy detective?
And why don't you just taste the water or feed it to the



What did the faeries have for pudding?

*Serious question alert*
So your field covers things like chemicals we flush down the plughole and into the environment? And the subsequent effect...?

Pretty much. We don't do the clean-up bit though, we just analyse and let the clients deal with that.

The Faeries had blancmange of course!

And what effects on wildlife have you/others in your field noticed. I've heard of fish changing sex but what else? Just wondering 'cos you seem like someone who can answer these questions.

And blank-mange is fattening tell 'em. They'll get big and not be able to fly!

Most of our work is for building sites, so we don't see much of the wildlife.
Some pesticides do have a mutagenic effect, fertilisers can cause excess algae, suffocating fish and other river life.
All in all there's a lot of nasty stuff out there...