h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Our fair city has recently been the victim of a vicious crime spree. Innocent people are suffering at the hands of a gang completely unlike any other in the annals of the Wild West. Yes, that's right. Gnome liberators. An outfit calling itself the Missoula Gnome Liberation Front (GLF for short) has been rescuing those hard-working, long-suffering silent sentinels of the yard from a lifetime of drudgery. With the battle-cry of "Just Say Gno to Gnome Abuse!" ringing in the mountain air, Missoulians have awoken to find their yard gnomes missing for the last few months. The police have had little breaks in the case until the manifesto appeared on a recently-emptied porch one summer morning this week.

In black and white it outlined the goal of the GLF: humane (or gnomane, in this case) treament for yard gnomes. They clearly stated they were not holding our concrete or plaster friends for ransom, but allowing them to have "a vacation". The message read, in part: "The gnomes realize that they will be returned to their owners. They are willing to forfeit their freedom in the hopes that their owners treat them more respectfully." Wise words, indeed.

After weeks of worry and mounting suspicion, with neighbors pointing fingers at neighbors, the light at the end of the tunnel came yesterday morning. All 35 hostages were released. Schoolchildren at Lewis and Clark Elementary awoke to find the missing gnomes adorning the school's Outdoor Discovery Corps Garden. They were plastered with signs. One read "We would rather die in the streets than live in your lawn!". The crime spree seems to be over for now. However, the shadowy members of the GLF should not rest easy. Police are still investigating leads and hope to round up the perpetrators. If you, or anyone you know has information on this case, keep it to yourself.