h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[with apologies to Skankyrich, whose suspiciously similar journal I have most evidently ripped off!]

So, that was my first day of being 40.

The alarm went off, and I got up with a spring in my step (and a worrying creaking in my ankles) without hitting the snooze button 3 times like I usually do. I momentarily considered experimenting yet again with the idea of not setting the alarm any more and just waking up, but figured that to get away with that convincingly I'd have to be back in a hotel in Cardiff in either one of their rooms at the front with the single glazing and the noisy road, or one one of their rooms at the back with the paper thin floors and the kitchen directly below. I concluded that Jersey is too quiet for 'just waking up', and that maybe I'd give that another go next year.

Then the nippers phoned to sing "happy birthday" at me. They went to school in Devon, and I stayed here on the Channel Islands.

I decided to shake things up a bit and iron a shirt _before_ breakfast. Not only would I iron it now, but I would iron it in the way that the missus has insisted for 15 years is the 'proper way' to iron a shirt, and not how I've done it since my teens. I did this, and after a detailed inspection of my work, concluded that there is no difference in either quality or speed of either approach, but that I will continue from now on to iron it the 'proper way', just because I will.

While I was in the kitchen I popped the kettle on to make a cup of tea. This is something I haven't done for 9 months, having decided on Jan 1st to give up caffeine for a week, and having lasted this long.

Then an interesting thing happened.

I strode purposefully to the bathroom and had a cup of tea while in the shower. This didn't turn out to be half as awkward as I expected, and I cheerily raised my cup to the founder of this grand idea.

I also decided not to shave. Not because I didn't have time, but because I didn't feel like it.

Next, I had a fry-up. This was unusual in that my regular idea of a mid-week fry-up is to choose 'full English breakfast' from the hotel menu, or at a stretch to choose 'breakfast in a box' from a cafe menu. Never have I cooked my own mid-week fry-up. It went surprisingly well.

I glugged down half a pint of grapefruit juice and went to work. Nobody noticed it was my birthday, which was just as well because a cake round for 60 people at Jersey prices doesn't bear thinking about.

I got back at lunch time and had a quick look on F*cebook. The missus had left me a decidedly ageist message to which I still haven't thought of a witty retort. I also had a quick look on Hootoo and noticed that the Underguide had picked my recent AWW entry as a Gem of the Month, so I was over the moon.

Later that evening I was on the phone to my dad when my mum mentioned in the background that I would actually be exactly 40 in another 25 minutes and my dad said he'd raise a glass, and look he had a glass of milk at the ready, what with it being bed time, and said that this is what I had to look forward to in 25 years time.

25 minutes later I was on the phone to the missus and I was exactly 40, and still not feeling a day older than maybe about somewhere in my 20s - except for the creaking ankles and presumably my car insurance is now even cheaper.

I popped Howard Jones' Piano Solos For Friends And Loved Ones on iTunes for a bit.

Then I had a look at some bits of Colin McRae video on YouTube and grinned and cheered and cried.

Then went to bed. And switched the alarm off and decided to give 'just waking up' a go after all.

Paff

So what time did you 'just wake up'?

I hope you had a good birthday, and will get some proper cake when you get back home at the weekend.

I've got another three years to go, but I still don't feel any older than about 17, and it's getting embarrassing acting like it. I promise by the time I'm 40 I'll knock that on the head!

We are who we are. If you behave 17 now, you'll still be doing that at 40, and good luck to you, I say. Don't change unless you feel you really should.

Oh, and I 'just woke up' about half hour earlier than I normally would. If I can keep this up (which I've now decided I will) then mornings will be a bit less rushed again...

Do you get up when you wake up though? Sometimes I wake up earlier than the alarm, and feel wide awake and great. But I stay in bed for the alarm, doze off, then feel sluggish and crap when the alarm goes off. But I haven't got the discipline to get up when I feel great!

Many happy returns, Paff

I promise you won't feel any different when you're 50 either, or 52, whateverI've lost count

all the best

Mina,
Here's the trick. Look at the time when you go to bed, work out how many hours till you should be getting up, tell yourself out loud how many hours that is, then go to sleep. Your brain does the rest while you sleep. I rarely wake up early or late if I do that. (Although I use the alarm just incase on Monday morning when I've got a 5am cab to the airport).

I did this for about a year, but when I took a month off a while back I didn't have the bottle to go back to doing it again.

It's all about concious decisions. You go to bed and decide to get up. You wake up and just get up, because you told yourself you would. Works for me anyway!

GB,


All,
Here's to feeling 17, or twentysomething, or whatever we are, for the rest of our lives.

Happy 40th birthday (plus four days...)

Have you only just discovered tea in the shower? It's a great way to mix two of the great pleasures of life - except when I had long hair, I used to get traces of shampoo in it. I keep finding more reasons to enjoy being bald.

A variation on the 'just waking up' is to hit your head on the pillow as many times as the hour you need to get up. It does work, but I don't trust myself to do it.

Nope, I'd never discovered (or even considered) tea in the shower until your 'last day of 30' journal. I've been thinking since then "hmmm, must give that a go" and my first day of 40 seemed like as good a day as any. So again.

I think a lot of those sort of mind tricks can work. Quite a few years ago I wanted to document my dreams ( I know). I put a pencil and some paper by the bed and trained myself to wake up and remember that night's dream so I could draw pictures of it.

Can't you think of better things to do in the shower than drinkand better things to do in bed than draw little doodles?

You've got a pretty good memory, Paff - wasn't that an incredibly dull and sarcastic journal about how naff the day before my birthday was? Although looking back, you did seem to reply to the suggestion with great joy

Did you get anything good out of your dream notebook? I expect it was either a series of visionary scribblings or a bizarre collection of subconscious musings. Mine would probably be full of pictures of goats' bottoms...

Having a quick re-read of your journal, it seems that EMR, Leo and JulesK were new to the tea-in-shower concept too. And hasn't Alex quoted you on his PS?

Nothing visionary about the dream pictures (I've still got them). I started out with speedboats whizzing around electricity pylons in the sea and cars crashing into nuclear bunkers in the middle of roundabouts. Then I got on to dreaming a series of imaginary railway stations. I've always hoped that they might turn out to be actual stations that I've never been to, like maybe the southwest end of the District Line from Kensington round to Ealing Broadway.

Yes, it seems they did - maybe I should have patented the idea I was probably so drunk after the races, I didn't even notice that was setting a trend...

I always think other people's dreams sound really odd, until I think of my own. I can vividly remember one from my late teens involving a hamster under my protection falling off a shelf and getting trapped in a huge spider's web. I'm quite glad I've never tried to record my own dreams, to be honest - I'd be pretty scared.

Really glad there's talk of dreams, as it means I can share my joy at snogging Goran Visnjic last night.

I used to remember all my dreams, but I found they got in the way of a good night's sleep, so I stopped the habit. I do have some bloody scary dreams - too much of a horror fan I suppose!