h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Phew... after four or five weeks' hiatus, my computer finally comes back online... only to be snatched away for another week. I'm going on tour with the choir I've been a member of for about two years now, the Portsmouth Methodist Youth Choir. Yes, I am a youth, and yes, I am a Methodist. And no, I'm not planning to join the h2g2 Choral Society, though I might.

In the meantime, my dad has got a completely new computer. This is an 800 MHz Duron with built-in sound, 20 MB hard disc and a USB controller. Bloody useful thing, that - this modem is atached to it. Trouble is, I haven't a clue how to configure it under Linux. Any suggestions?

I also installed my four favourite games: Half-Life, Sim City 2000, Age of Empires II and Tiberian Sun. All of them run well - even Half-Life, despite not having the privilege of a 3D accelerator card.

On another topic, my AS level results arrived last Friday: A for German (all *before* the holiday, remember); B for Computing, which I'm dropping because it's a waste of time (the CS lecturer at Essex agrees!); and disappointing Cs for Maths and Physics. Still, that's 180 points in the bag.

On yet another topic, the holiday went pretty well. The Mosel valley is about the hottest region in Germany, despite which my parents decided to take walks through the vinyards at midday. What was it Noel Coward wrote? "Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."

I didn't speak as much German as I'd hoped, since the waiters and waitresses tended to look at Dad for the orders, which puts him in a tight spot since the only German he knows was learned in the three weeks before the holiday and that which he picked up on the way. Mum has an O-level in the language - and despite what I said previously, she only failed the oral part.

However, I did drink much more alcohol than I expected. I was surprised by how little alcohol I can actually take without feeling dizzy. I even enjoyed much of the wine. But the beer... Oh, the beer! According to the Lonely Planet guide we had, 80% of the breweries in Europe are in Germany. Regardless of the type of drink, alcohol is MUCH MUCH cheaper in Germany than here - AND you're allowed to drink anything except brandy from the age of 16!

The ice cream is a different matter - DM 3.50 for a branded ice cream is simply extortionate.

Blimey, it took me half an hour to write that.