h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Got in from trip to supermarket. I needed to get some better quality food than from the local shop..and I wanted to push myself. Oh god what a mistake.

The traffic noise was unbearable and the speed I suddenly realised they drive, and all the aggression. I felt totally bombarded in a way I'm not normally. I kept feeling like panic attacks and imagining people staring at me...the paranoia thing. And then at the super as soon as I got in it seemed like an alien world.

These are some of the most inhuman things we ever made. Constant messages being given out over the load speaker in the strangest tone of voice...like 'have you swiped your nectar card?' at the 'self tills'. People bumbling around not looking where they are going. Staff in corners just larking about and not even bothering to look at you when they serve you at the fish counter.

I don't have a nectar card. It's a big ruse for the supermarket giants to find out what people buy..and it drives me mad when they always, but always ask, you 'do you have your nectar card'...just so you can get a few more measly points to spend, spend, spend.

It's usual with bipolar mania to go in for that. I only had it that way once..and made myself go in charity shops. Now I seem to get this 'mixed state' thing. You are high and low at the same time. Tremendous inner conflict.

But it's like seeing the world differently.

Managed to eat a bit.

The good thing is the colours of the flowers in the garden are very intense.

I still don't want to be around people. They won't get it.

(Just as I was about to post this, two police came to the door..oh christ that was scary. But they were looking for someone. So he asked me about 'upstairs'. I said different ones are always moving in and out..but no letters with that name. The one who spoke to me was huge..and then half stepped in to the hallway. He was horribly aggressive and 'don't carish' in his attitude..I tried to be jokey. I feel pretty shocked.)

I know what you mean about the supermarket, Effers. The big ones get truly on my s. I only go there to get my printer inks (as a Home Educator I need print a fair few bits out to show as 'evidence' - even though I know he can do things)

In my local Coop (much smaller) I know every member of staff's name, they all know me (no, stop sniggering, it's not because I'm the local hippy )

My garden has been neglected this year, however, I have some yummy roses in there because I forgot to prune them. I can even bring some inside (not happened for five years)

Not good about the policeman, but maybe he was just having a bad day too.

I just looked back over my journals for the last 2 weeks and I really should have posted a 'thankyou' to you here for your supportive post..but I was a bit otherwise engaged.

But suddenly things seem a lot better..apart from a bit of problem with sleep patterns..but that's normal for me. Still a bit speeded up but less.

Yeah my local shop is brilliant, run by Turkish cypriots and incredibly friendly so I know what you mean.

But thank you.