h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Someone has sent me a proper oyster knife. It's French and very solid, the real McCoy. I eat Oysters very occasionally. They sell them in the fish mongers up the road. 1/2 dozen are about £3..so not too expensive for a meal with bread and a bit of salad.

Have just popped up there for 1/2 dozen..along with a couple of lemons. Am also making a nice hot chilli thing with my homegrown ones to splash on them with the lemon squeeze.

I'm so looking forward to opening them, oyster chucking I think its called, with this knife, rather than pliers and some old bendy knife I've done previously, in all the wrong way. And I always seem to cut my fingers. Have looked on YouTube as to how to do it with the proper knife; cutting through the hinge and twisting.

It's amazing the amount of oyster shells you see on the embankment of the Thames at low tide..apparently in Victorian times they were the food of the poor, so I imagine many of those shells are from those days, because you can also find plenty of willow pattern fragments and some clay pipe fragments from those days..

So its a Dickensian tea for me, thanks to my lovely French oyster knife.

Have fun! And bon appétit

Thanks toybox Shall report back later on the marvellousness of this little French knife..she's so cute and strong - very attractive with a lovely very smooth, very hard wood handle, kind of reddish and with burnished brass bolts.

At present she is my favourite small object of desire in the flat

Don't think I've ever had oysters enjoy

I think my parents used to have oyster knives like that. Well, my father, because my mum doesn't want to have anything to do with those things.

2legs: And I thought you had tried everything

I'll try anything, andn everything, with but a few odd exceptions, as and when the oppertunity arises.... Sadly oysters is one of those things where the oppertunity has not, as yet, arisen...

last week I finished reading Brillart-Savarin's 'The Physiology of Taste' (1825) According to him in those days a typical french dinner party would begin with the guests sitting down with each place already prepared with several dozen oysters. After they finished off those, the appetizers would arive.

I found the little indentation around the hinge end, pushed in, jiggled about, pushed a bit more, jiggled about..and suddenly the blade entered with a kind of silky ease.. things just sort of suddenly 'gave'..there was a sense of entry.

My first task was to ease the flesh from the upper shell. With the blade I moved around slowly but feelingly against the shell to ease the flesh from above. When I sensed that had happened, I pushed again with the blade to encourage the shells to part from their embrace.

I was then left with a a circular mass of gorgousity swimming in a salty liquor in the lower shell. (I had made sure to hold the more domed shell half steadily in my hand and wrapped in a cloth) A little of the precious saltiness slipped over the edge, but no worries, most was still gently lapping against the gorgosity of flesh.

Finally I eased my little blade all around, and under the gorgosity in the shell held in my left hand, in a slightly damp old tea towel.

The gorgosity lay before me, gently swimming in the salty liquor. I squeezed gently on my lemon over the gorgosity, and splashed a little chilli concoction.

And then brought to my lips and sucked.

(The rest of this is experience is difficult to put into words..but ended with a final swallowing and a gulp of dry white wine.)



Okay I'm a bougeois twit I doubt the average poor Dickensian Londoner who gulped their way through them for tea would have any time for such fripperies. But my god they are GOOD. And the ritual with this little knife is also GOOD.

And, your description was absolutely fabulus! *2legs thinkss he should try these some time*

A very beautiful account

Almost... Yes... almost verging towards teh erotic... but food is quite erotic really

Beautiful?

Yes...

Like sex is beautiful.

I know oysters are supposedly aphrodisiac..but I think its the whole ritual of them, then the slipperiness and their saltiness.

2legs I have no doubts you would love them. Why not ask your father to give you something like a proper French Oyster knife for Christmas this year, rather than something like bag pipes? BTW how is that going?

The right tool does make all the difference. But it would be more difficult for you initially obviously, being blind..but I reckon very quickly you'd have no problem because I think 95% of it is a 'feeling' thing, through the hands and fingers, in terms of opening

To be honest I don't think I've even looked at the bagpipes since I got them... They're upstairs, but we couldn't ever get the drones working, not sure why There were a lot of thigns at the start of this year, I needed to do, and most of them remain not done, like the bagpipes... and other things Its been an utter waste of time this year, an oyster knife would be good though Mind not sure where I could buy oysters from round here

Yes, you're probably much closer to the sea than me, where oysters may well be farmed or collected..actually I think nearly all are farmed ones now, but that makes no diffrence to their taste unlike other stuff, but in London we have Billingsgate fish market where so much stuff arrives from all over..so my local fishmonger gets it from there and as cheap as anywhere. They are actually brilliant and I feel lucky to live nearby.

You can get these things online..but then its probably far more expensive and a faff.


But if you ever get the chance you could try them..but your life won't be exactly badly affected for the lack of oysters..or the lack of bagpipe playing

I am pretty sure now I've thought about it that I think I can get hold of them from Waitrose, though I've not used them for my grocery shopping in ages, Having a change round of who I use from time to time is good to get some differnt ingrediants and foods in
Which reminds me, I got an E-mail the other day telling me I've not shopped at sainsburries in ages, which is true... probably more than a year ago since I did a shop with them, so I've got £10 voucher off my next online shop with them... so I guess I'll have to ensure I do a shop as its only a minamum £50 to get the £10 off soon, before the voucher runs out

Yes, it was a beautiful description. Almost made me want to eat oysters, despite my pretty thorough distaste for seafood.

'And the ritual with this little knife is also GOOD.'

Which reminds me of a little ritual I have involving a sugar cube and a slotted spoon.

I just had some of my bread I made earlier... toasted food can be quite like sex in some ways

I must try and hunt me down some oysters then some time they're ment to be an athrodisiac too apprently Which reminds me, I still need to put my experimentations in combined food and sex into a guide entry... though I'm really not sure it can be done and get past the Eds

Anhaga pinpointed exactly: it almost made me want to eat oysters despiting hating the stuff with a vengeance.

In my hometown there was an 'oyster bar', but I've never been there.

There also exist oysters with an easy-opening string. Eeer, there is a video on that site:
http://www.magic-huitre.fr/catalog/
That may make oyster opening safe and easy, but it doesn't really seem ritual inspiring.

Hi Effers!

I so very nearly unsubbed from this thread even before reading the OP as I have an aversion to oysters. But reading your wonderful description, I am going to try once more. So thankyou

Of course seafood is abundant here and yesterday I seemed to have 'got over' my phobia of octopus as I found lots of it swimming in the fish soup of the day. It was actually quite yummy.

So, now - bring on the oysters!

Still never tried octapus either....

So, currently my 'must try' list of foods includes oysters, octapus, frog legs, snails, and byson...