h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Tashalls dials h2g2 General Hospital at http://www.h2g2.com/F52268?thread=84105&post=670823* *Gives details and hangs up* Hold on, JAR, the blood should arrive at any minute *holds JAR's hand, mopping sweat from his brow, giving him encouraging conversation generally* this is rather dramatic, isn't it? :-)

*Checks dog tags for blood type*
*Realizes he threw away his dogtags when he quit the Guard*
Oh, dear.

I think...uh...I'm...

*faints*

--

*reawakens*

A+.
Now where's that ambulance? Bloodstream is getting impatient...
Dramatic? Yup....

*taps watch*

hmm, the ambulance seem to be taking its sweet time - perhaps it's an RDO for them.

*spies a hypodermic and considers the possibilities...*

A+? Your'e in luck, buddy - you're just my type (obvious pick-up line intended)

[we regret this break in transmission while those of you who are squeamish can go somewhere else while a woman with absolutely no medical training whatsoever attempts to give a do-it-yourself transfusion to a man on the floor who is passing in and out of consciousness and who doesn't really care for little jokes on the way]

*to JAR, who is wriggling away from the hypodermic*

Don't be such a baby, [obvious lie] I've done this before heaps of times


*plunges hypodermic into JAR and gives him the pint of blood back that alien transporters took in payment for Light Year shipment of flyers to other worlds and beyond*

*gradually regains color*
*looks admireingly (that is a word, right?) at Tashalls*

You saved my life... I don't know how to thank you...

*somehow remembers something through the daze of bloodtransfusion*

Maybe I can cook you dinner?

*pats JAR on the back*

Yes, colour becomes you. Dinner? Er, perhaps, but I think I would prefer if you got better first and sent out for takeaway instead.

I like Thai

Takeaway? Well, I guess you're right..
*bravely flips out cell-phone, showing signs of not being quite as well as he pretends*

*dials no numbers*
Uhm. you don't suppose the 24-seven (http://www.h2g2.com/A401239) does takeaway, do you? I don't know of any other who might....

Have the Freighters arrived?

Well, the Infinite Capacity Refrigerator usually gives you what you ask for, so I guess we could heat it up here if we reqire the RNG into a sort of microwave...

And, um, the freighters came a while ago - and took a pint of your blood...

*Is glad JAR has already forgotten traumatic memory due to loss of blood*

*starts fiddling with wires in RNG and hopes JAR hurries up and orders Thai from 24-Seven, coz I'm getting hungry*

*scrambles carefully to his feet and walks over to the 24-seven*

---time passes---

*returns carrying two large bags*
Hi. I realized I don't know any good Thai dishes.
*swallow*
So I just ordered Thai.
*swallow again*
Uhm. I didn't get food... I got Ping.
*opens door for Ping: A small man with a strawhat enters*
He's supposedly a cook... We bought some ingredients... What would you like to eat? We've got a lot of rice...

ROFLMAO

That Infinite Capacity Refrigerator has a sense of humour when you're not specific, I hope it wasn't expensive...



Well, Ping looks just the thing *snickers*

If he could get to work on some Pad Thai, piping hot green curry and some penang in case you don't like fire engine hot dishes. Also, he could do us some fish cakes and money bags for starters.

*Looks in the bag from 24-Seven*

Oh, and you got some sauces and beer as well, good thinking!

*bustles around arranging milk crates into table and chairs for impromptu meal, hoping Ping is a fast cook.

*Not acting according to credentials, Ping spends a wopping two days on meditating over the upcoming meal. Then he proceeds with great aritisic flare to compose a symphony of flavours and colors to suit the tastes of any gourmet. The result is what you see on the table, not really Pad Thai, fish cakes or money bags, but rather a soup which likes you have never seen*

Ping: This is what I, Ping -Master of the Soup (and Composer of Certain Lesser Meals as Well) have deemed right for you in your present situation.

JAR: Yup. Definetly not what you ordered...
*tastes soup*
*breaks sweat*
Spicy though..

Good help is so hard to find...

*tastes soup*

um...

*steam shoots out of mouth*


Ahhhh, ho', ho', ho'

*jumps around trying to find a large body of water in which to soothe firey mouth*


*Settles for beer*


MMmmmmmmm.....

Well, you said you liked it spicy, didn't you..

Now I wonder how those flyers are doing... D'yiu think we'll get anyone to settle on Jupiter?

*grabs a beer*
*remembers saturday*

*remembers sunday*

*puts down beer, grabs a Coke*

*Smiles at addition to name...*

Methinks we have a double identity on our hands