h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It occured to me late last night, watching late night cable programming, mainly dangerously-bland newscasts on the latest political updates about some utterly uninteresting update on which international scandal erupted over a certain stereotypical politican's refusal to take back what he said about another stereotypical politican's mother. The realization was this: there was something devoustatingly wrong with the universe if hours of annoying static have been outbroadcasted by this. This seemingly-small insight immediately propelled my newfound curiousity to new heights. With this in mind, ladies and gentlemen and whatevers, I hereby announce myself as an oficial "Offbeat Philosopher". What, you may ask, is and offbeat philosopher? Well, friends, the answer lies in term itself. An offbeat philosopher is just that, a philosopher that ponders upon the more unusual quirks of society. Not the horribly-overlydone topics such as "Why are we born?", "Why do we die?", and "Why do we spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?". I stick to the real issues, ranging from the simplesq, curiousity-probbing questions like "Why did the Howells bring so many clothes for only a three-hour tour?" and "How come they never let Spiderman into the Superfriends?" to more thought-provacative quandries like "What's the deal with the platypus?" and "How come I don't get invited to more parties?" and eventually digging deep into mind-wrenching, life-changing puzzles such as "Could it be possible that the Pespi Challenge is, in reality, just a vicious front for a terrorist, government take-over sponsered by the outcasts of Neptune?". So join up with me, fellow froods, and become something that this galaxy so desperately needs: more offbeat philosophers!