h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In the room where you need it?

Some of you will know we're plagued by pesky, grey squirrels , and some of you will also know how we usually deal with them , but we may not need to much longer

I was watching the bird tables & feeders this afternoon, we'd got the usual assortment, s, blue & great, greenfinches, sparrows, dunnocks, our two nesting robins, the courting, collared doves and a solitary wood pigeon sitting on the fence patiently waiting his turn on the large table.

A tree rat sneaked through the purple sprouting bed & jumped up on the large table frightening off the robins . The wood pigeon took great umbrage, flew over & caught the tree rat a lovely clout on the head with its wing knocking it off the table & sending it for next doors garden, where their dog pounced on it .

Now if we could only tempt the buzzard we've seen soaring on an updraught, life could be very sweet

Serves the daft angrymal right

Not seen any more tree rats today, but have seen a real one, rattus rattus I guess it's back to the bro-in-laws to borrow his air rifle. Come back foxy, all is forgiven The foxes have been missing since the railway folk decided to remove some of the undergrowth & used nasty chemicals

You'd think the proliferation of s around here would frighten ratty off, but my two are getting too old for all that, in fact the elder spends all her time indoors these days, the furthest she ventures is onto the front room windowsill! I reckon I'll have to incur the wrath of Grandad & encourage some of the other local moggies to come around but spread plenty of pepper dust on his veg patch