h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today is Thursday 6th July 2000, and at 3.00pm went to get a coffee and a Fanta, I leave the building, drinks in hand, and find three workmates waking towards me, one (James) on a mobile phone. He grabs my arm and says "Yeah I got one now". I know what this means, I drop the drinks and Mikes vending machine card and wind up pinned to the floor. I get my phone out and call Mike, struggling to keep the phone near my head I shout "MIKE HELP ME!!!", fat lot of good that was (his mobile was in his locker )

Jamie arrives (and he's fat!) gives me a dead leg and proceeds to tape my anckles together, I'm carried through the hangar screaming and shouting then wheeled on a trolley to the ground equip. maintanance block where there is are lot more people waiting. I'm on the floor and shortly after being asked if I had any breakables on me and a knife being confiscated my trousers are filled with Pyrosorb (an absorbsive powder like saw dust) and then my overalls. A pole run through my sleeves with duct tape at either end then I'm carried to a black wheely bin, tie-wrapped (or cable tied) to the fence behind me.

All that wasn't so bad, then the cold water hose came out, and the wheely bin stared to fill up, 3 week old milk and rice pudding with moving bits in it pouted over my head and down my back then a traffic cone placed atop my head. Everyone vanishes bar the maintance guy (Andy) who makes sure I stay wet nad the bin fills up. I ask "Can I go home now?" Andy replies, "Don't expect any help!". Brill, any way I struggle out of the mess wondering where all my friend vanished to before the pain began, as I remove the pole from my sleeves I hear "WE GOT ANOTHER ONE!", and it was Mike being carried kicking and screaming. I jump out of the wheely bin with my legs still taped together and take off my overalls, briefly hosed down, collect my valuebles wish Mike good luck and set off to have a good proper shower, getting odd looks along the way.

Later it turns out that Mike, Dave and Rob cleared off just as the lads arrived, not letting me know, they get into Robs car and drive off whilst I stall the others. Wonder past the area I got picked up and find a can of Fanta and Mikes vending machine card. Soon they get Mike and Dave and Rob run off (like the cowards they are) again leaving Mike and I to face the concequences of ceacing to be apprentices.

Cya soon