h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Whatever, I didn't mean it anyway.

[Without a pause in the leaning, he raises, with a pointed index finger, his battered trilby, which had covered his eyes for longer than he could remember]

Hey, Floh. (He said softly)

(Saunters off down the street, one foot on the pavement, the other in the gutter.)

(It starts to rain)

(Whistles...) I'm whistling in the rain, just whistling in the rain...

(Spins around lampost, umbrella arm outstretched)

...I'm happy again....

(Merrily tap dances his way down street)

(enters Grand Central Station, New York, to shelter, ostensibly, from the rain. The vast crowd of commuters turn as one, eyes raised to greet Floh. The tune changes)

Hey Floh, where you going with that gun in your hand??? (they sing, a vast New York crowd, in unison.)

I'm going down to shoot this old ghost...
You know I caught him messing round with some rusty chains...

If yous two happen ta' see The King Of New York, send him my way.
Not for nuthin' but I think Chris Walken owns the Big Apple.

*salutes smartly*

Do you want me to wear a uniform, too?

*rummages in the bedroom chest*
*finds Lurcher's old uniform*

Isn't it always amazing how, like in a movie, people break into a strangers house, oh, I don't know, cuz a is after um or sumthing and when they go to the closets al the clothes fit as if it were custom made? That always amaze-a-lates me.

Is that so?

I'm easily amaze-a-latd.
You might have picked up on that by now.

Ah, no, I'm quite nonsensitive.

Hope that's not my fault!In case it 'is'...it was an accident.
<?>

*takes and (or was it ?)*
Yeah, I know, you were young, drunk and needed the money.

Those were the dazzze my friend...

Puts aside vision of Floh in uniform, young broke and needing the money!

Could she be an usherette??

***The vast crowd is transmogrified and becomes an interesting group of assorted ghouls and the like, cavorting behind a rubber kneed front-man...

It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark

Pandora?? is that you??

Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart

No, it can only be Floh!!

You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it

Perhaps it was Pandora after all...

You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,

Who could freeze when Floh's around..

You're paralyzed