h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm thinking of writing a tidy little column centered around local music in nearby Springfield, MO (USA). Springfield actually has a quite nifty music sceen in the after hours downtown area. Since I have friends involved and a keen interest in the subject matter, I thought I might come up with something interesting to relate on the subject. Who knows? It might even benefit the talent to have their work discussed in this fashion. What else would a body do in Springfield on the average week night?

Well, you could go an hang out with Homer and Barney in Moe's Tavern. Aha ha ha ha ha. *ahem*. Sorry, that was crap. I don't even know why I bothered to write it at all - I knew it was going to be crap the micro-second that it popped into my head. But then, I've always believed in saying crap things - it's my personal way of making lazy, boring conversations interesting.

Anyway.

How are you? Only joking. No, what I meant to say is that you're lucky. No, really. Here in Canterbury, UK, there is no local music scene whatsoever. It's terrible.

Egad! No local music scene? What then, do you do for local....er....music? Not terribly...well anything really. I think I'll just pop over to your page and see what other "crap things" you might have to say! "Crap things" are far superior to "no things" I always say! Who knows? Maybe we can compare "crap notes", one proffessional to another.

I don't really do anything for local music. It's very sad. Although there is a jazz night in a pub down in town. Which is nice.

You're a "Crap things" professional? Wow - I'm honoured to meet you. I'm just starting out as an amatuer, although next year I hope to be good enough to go semi-pro. Maybe you can give me some lessons.

Did I say Pro? I must be delusional! I'm better now, I've had a lot to drink and it's cleared my mind of it's normal obtuse cantankerousness. I struggle daily in my quest for total crap but I'd be lying to myself and everyone else if I claimed that I was not, in fact, vastly superior at "crap" in my younger days than I am now. Sorry? what? Why is this all about me you ask? Well, as I said before, I've imbibed heavily...wait....did I say that before actually? Oh well, whatever. I think you'd be much better at inferring my meaning than I would be at stating it so hop to! By the by, have you seen American History X? Ick! I loved it! It's just that the amphibians have left my fractured mind for the wolves. Maybe I AM a pro after all! So don't go away, say what you say, say that you'll stay, forever and a day, in the time of my life, 'cause I need more time, yes I need more time, just to make things right...etc.

That was a good lesson, cheers. Very tired. The girl who lives below me "got lucky" last night. She's a "screamer", or so the expression goes. What a nightmare.

It's very nice to know that someone is getting lucky! Screamer or no, I ALWAYS cheer them on! Sorry it deprived you of rest though. Now, I will sit here and flap my lips back and forth:BDUHBDUHBDUHBDUHBDUHBDUHBDUHBDUHB.......
South Park is on, goodnight!

Yeah, well, I toyed with the idea of going down there and saying hello. Picture the scene - I go down there and wander into the room, find two people doing some naked wrestling on the bed and say "So, what are you guys up to down here? I'd really appreciate it if you could keep the noise down just a little bit, some of us are trying to sleep. Oh, and where are you 'coming' to, by the way?"

Have fun with South Park. Which episode was it?