h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Much of my time is spent answering e-mails from My best Friend Stacy. She gets some really weird e-mails from other people alot of the time and because she has nothing better to do than annoy other people, she send them on to me... Thank you, Stacy for providing me with much needed entertainment.




Ok the first part of this is one of the Poems that my friend usually puts on at the end of her e-mails. I was bored one day, so I "translated" it:


In search of love and music
"Why don't you just buy a stereo like everyone else?"

My whole life has been
"Oh yeah, I would consider 23 years a 'whole life'"

Illumination
"Well yes, you are illuminating, but I told you not to go near that reactor core."

Corruption
"Hmm,yeah,you're pretty corrupted alright...you've corrupted me..

And diving, diving, diving
"Well,you know with all that air in your head,it must be pretty hard to do that"....J/K

Diving down to pick up every shiny thing.
"Easily distracted you are, yes..."


she sent me this today actually

Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are Technologically Challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin" yet. This is
an excerpt from an Wall Street Journal article:

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of
calls asking where the "Any" key is.


Hmmm....What on earth possessed this guy to do this? I mean did he really think it was going to work?

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

This guy needs real help . I hope he finds some soon...

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.


and this that she sent a while ago:

BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES OF 1999
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Kinda funny I think it is all from american newspapers though...she always sends me weird stuff I think I may dedicate a journal entry to her one day...