h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...is a rather whimsical, glib statement, as time is an irrelevance to the truly immortal. If I wanted to, I could make time go backwards, stop, vanish or dance the fandango; if I was so inclined. Still, melancholy sentimentality can strike even the most elevated of beings...

As this is by way of a journal, purely for my own purposes. I hope to unburden myself of the rigours of all that goes with the territory of being omnipotent. I will endeavour to keep somekind of a timescale by updating it everytime a star goes supernova.

* Biggimus Maximus (...or whatever it’s called) in the Milky Way just went supernova. An inhabited planet perished. I didn’t feel dismayed though, they had not developed past the pagan worshipping stage. Not that I’m being cruel or uncaring, it’s just that when a civilisation develops the wheel before an engine, you know their doomed to failure...(and do a lot of unwarranted sweating)

* Rub another star out. I’ve been thinking today about the whole Black-Hole fiasco. I had initially included them as a contingency plan, (in case anything went drastically wrong) by including them in my original blueprint for the Universe. Although they are quite handy when it comes to doing some ‘hoovering’, ( a technical term far above the heads of anyone with heads) they do have a tendency to keep going, and going, and going. I have estimated that my entire creation could be consumed within less than 1,000,000,000,000 billion years! Quite a sobering thought, really.

I have also had problems of where precisely black-holes go. I have worked out that If I do some creative ‘plumbing’ (see reference to other technical term) I can connect them up to newly christened ‘White-Holes’. This unfortunately tends to leave a theoretical grey area inbetween.

* Another star went supernova in the Milky Way. At this rate, the bats will inherit the earth around 2020. Not feeling so good... I have long harboured doubts, but usually I scuttled them with a typhoon of bravo, way before I’m all lost at sea. The problem is I have been having doubts - that is self-doubt. I just don’t have any faith in myself anymore. It’s a good thing I’ve kept it to myself, or there would be trouble.

The Jehovah Witnesses ‘somehow’ got passed the Pearly Gates this morning and accosted St.Peter, (well they can get anywhere) before I knew it the pamphlets were laid on the table, and one thing lead to another...

The problem is everybody thinks that being omnipotent & omniconscious would make everything a doddle, which in some respects it does. Unfortunately, it doesn’t make my task any less stultifyingly boring. Doing the same things millions of billions of trillions of times over. All the ‘creative’ decisions were done in the beginning, now it’s more like akinned to a caretaking position... positively demotion.

GOD, it is so nice to finally talk to you after questioning your existence for so long. I was just reading your last entry, and it looks as if we share the same view of JAY-HOES. My friend just reminded me of signs that we have seen in front of houses saying:

"NO JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES !!

all others welcome.

have a nice day."

Yes, I’ve yet to update my ramblings. Just of late Lord Krishna has been giving me the lowdown on Reincarnation. I’m quite fond of it in concept, but unfortunately the upshot would be a load of ‘Born Again Christians’, and I don’t think anybody is too fond of that notion...

Anyway, In the ‘War’ for the hearts & minds of humanity, the Jehovah's & Mormons have annexed the suburban streets, the Hare Krishna’s have stormed our Airports, whilst my hardened ‘shock’ troops the Salvation Army have gained a foothold in our High Streets. I mean, how precisely do your combat that...

Mind you, when Jehovah's Witnesses turn up here in person, I generally tend to talk them round...

- Simply, High Spirited

HEY,GOD...
THE BABEL FISH COMPLETELY DENISE YOUR EXISTANCEread the gide more carefully
COOL PAGE THOUGH