h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had a dream last night. It was about being in prison. It was fun. Every other day, my friends and I would somehow acquire firearms and start a riot. I remember that at least two of the three girls from the Corrs were in there with me. One of them died during the last riot. That didn't really bother the last one and me, though, because we had liked each other all along and didn't want any jealous sisters in the way.
When I say we acquired firearms, I don't mean that one of us stole one of the guards' pistols. We got 20 lb assault rifles with the nasty kind of ammunition.
I remember one of the last parts of the dream, where the last Corr girl (the one I fancied) had been shot, but not too badly. On one of those convex security mirrors, I could see some fat, official looking guy coming to finish her off. So I took a pen, and just as he came through the doorway, I jabbed it into his throat. He looked pretty surprised! My attack didn't quite have the effect I intended, though. He started to giggle a little bit. What? Yup. He was laughing.
So I took the pen back out and tried my luck in a different spot. I swung around more to the side, so maybe I would catch a jugular or something dramatic like that. He punched me. I fell over. This wasn't working.
As I fell back, I tore the pen out of his fleshy neck again. That seemed to bother him when I did that. When he leaned down to grab me or whatever, I stuck it in the front of his throat again. I then rolled into a ball shape and onto my back. I thrust my legs forward and kicked the pen in even further with my heel. Sure, he didn't like that, but he was still kind of laughing with this confident smirk on his fat face. It took several minutes for him to die from these and other later-inflicted wounds.
It reminds me of a dream I had in high school. There was a girl I was in love with, but her boyfriend was in the way of her feelings. I was trying to eliminate him in this dream, but it never worked. I can recall using a huge metal pipe to bash his skull in, but the best reaction I ever got was a really strange laugh. The harder I hit, the funnier he thought it was. WHAM! Right on top of his head. WHACK! Straight on to the nose. BAM! Right in the teeth. Nothing. He just kept following me, asking for more. Grrr.
I reckon that we should be able to control our dreams. They are happening in our brain, so we should be able to determine the outcome by applying a little bit of will on a subconscious level. It works, sometimes. I can recall thinking, "This is a dream, so I can strip this girl down without consequence anyway!" It doesn't always work, though. I can think, "I want you to go away or die," all I want in my dreams, but that fat dude, or that obstacle of a boyfriend just won't do it. Damn.
At least we can determine our own actions some of the time. You only live once that I know of, so live. Don't be boring. Use your time to create something you can appreciate... like genuine happiness. Ever feel like work is pressuring you too much and you just don't enjoy your job anymore? Quit. Nobody can really stop you. Ever been homeless? Why do you want to avoid it, then? Sure, your parents have always implied that it's way better to be rich than poor, but do you know for yourself? Have you ever done drugs? No? Why not? After a while, you'll be be dead anyway. Then you won't even have experienced something that people have enjoyed for thousands of years. "But they're bad for you and they ruin your life!" I say that conformity ruins your life and that not trying new experiences kills your sense of appreciation for that one life that you have.
Invent a musical instrument. Just because no one has ever played it doesn't make it any less an instrument. At one point, only one guy had used a guitar: the guy who made it. Maybe yours will be the next most popular thing.
Draw a portrait from memory. A self-portrait, even. Think about how your mind sees that person (or yourself).
Make your own silverware. It can't be that hard. Then you can customize them so that your forks won't have any of those flaws that have struck you personally and which all forks seem to have.
Try human meat. It's just meat. Is it illegal to eat human? Are there actually laws against eating criffle? If I wrote in my will that I wanted to be the main course at my funeral barbeque, would they deny me my dying wish? Is that legal?
If you're old, try to remember what it's like to be a teenager again. That's one of the best things to be. It seems that the brainwashing really takes on in full adulthood, in most cases, anyway.
Kiss pretty people. Kiss beautiful people. You decide the difference.
Time for me to go find mummified birds in the ceiling.