This is a Journal entry by hayley

Awake

Post 1

hayley

The house lies still
The fire crackles
Light flickering like an old film upon the wall
Outside the rain lands without restraint

Souls lie sleeping
Close in space
But far in time

Chopin wafts through the rooms
Han echos in my soul
Longing, restless, searching

The night creeps forward
The air black ink
How long till
Light seeps through the clouds













Awake

Post 2

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }

smiley - smiley

*not much else to say, really*


Awake

Post 3

hayley

smiley - bigeyes
Do my eyes deceive me what are you doing here I thought you were off line?

Just couldn't stay away heysmiley - winkeye


Awake

Post 4

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }

I took a needed holiday from these wires, and came back with reduced expectations. Just casual comments or chats here and there now. It seems to work better.

How's life with you and your lovely tribe?


Awake

Post 5

hayley

We are well.....life is good... Our youngest started his own newspaper with a bunch of his other homes school friends, they are on their third issue...our middle son is busy building his own web site and our beautiful girl is writing a book along the lines of Jane Austen meanwhile our eldest has moved home, and gone absailing down the side of a mountain smiley - bigeyes

My sister has gotten engaged and is getting married in Decembersmiley - smooch and meanwhile Tom has taken a new job that sees him spending more time at home so I am happy smiley - magic and he looks healthier than he has done in a long timesmiley - oksmiley - ok....It has meant making some major changes to the way we do things financially but it is well worth it.

So what is happeing your side of the world...

Now if only I could fall asleep I seem to be going through a new insomniac phase.....To tired to work but not tired enought to be able to fall asleep.


Awake

Post 6

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }

It's a usual summer for us, weather is weird, we are both busy with the work hours, I've been on two road trips (an over-nighter and a 2-weeker), we finally got our house painted, need a $1,000 chimney liner put in, and will have a pair of my brothers and their respective ladies visit us in a month.

Sadly, I can't report on my baby and her tribe. There's no response to e-mails or phone messages. They may be perturbed that we aren't burying them with money and gifts at every occassion. But then, they haven't remembered so much as a card for any occassion in a couple of years. Christmas, birthdays, mother or father's day, anniversary (shared date for all of us), nothing.


Awake

Post 7

hayley

Nic you sound very sad over your daughter how did things get to this point I thought you had a good relatinship with your little girl?

It's hard when families are estranged...my sister has not spoken to me now for over two years and I have no idea why? she does not speak to my other sister either..... it appears that our middle sister blames us for difficulties in her childhood which belong really at my parents doorstep but as they provide her with financial assistance she is loath to put them off side...

At first I was angry then hurt now sadly I don't really care if she came by tomorrow I would sit and talk and I don't have any hard feelings towards her but I can't say i feel any love for her either I would simply treat her as I would anyone else I met with courtesy

Tis a strange world we find ourselves living in


Awake

Post 8

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }

We did have such and open and good relationship. But she is also just as determined and obstinate in her ways as I can be. I'm thinking that part of it may be that she has let herself become so much less than she could be, and doesn't 'appreciate' our offers and suggestions of ways to perhaps improve their lot in life. We have made an active effort to not be over-bearing or intrusive, but may well have failed at that. She's nearly 27, a mother of four, and so must be seen as an adult. Responsible for her own ways and choices. But damn, it's hard to know they are doing nothing, nothing at all from day to day. smiley - sadface


Awake

Post 9

hayley

When you say doing nothing at all do you mean in regard to their financial, emotional, spiritual or intellectual life....economics are always tricky especially when you have to stand by and see what could be done if only....Our eldest is doing his best and for 17 for the most part he is doing well but even still there are areas where he could tighten things but then I think he puts in a hard weeks work and if he wants to blow off a little steam at the end of the week with a few beers or a trip to the fast food joint surely he has earned it...otherwise why is he working.smiley - erm

Meanwhile his emotional life seems to be under wraps (see girlfirendsmiley - smooch) however I do wonder about his intellectual and spiritual growth...he has a good mind if unconventional (which I have always preferredsmiley - oksmiley - ok) and he constantly invents and builds things, teaching himself about electronics and mechanical engineering..however anything to do with philosophy does not interest him at all and if I am honest it didn't interest me much at the same age which brings me to the last area spiritual which for me is the most important.. you know that we are a people of faith and we are raising the children in a home based on our beliefs and on the understanding that these are our values and beliefs and while we hope (and praysmiley - winkeye) that the children will become believers too it is however up to each one of them to test out what it is we teach and believe and build a faith based on their relationship and experience of God....so when our eldest talks to me about his growing experinece and asks me about how scripture relates to this and that of every day it pleases me to know that he is thinking about what I think are the important issues of life

mmm sorry if I have just bored the pants off of you .... and now she sits back and waits for only the comment that Nic could come up with after that linesmiley - run


Awake

Post 10

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }

I think everyone goes through an age of self-invention. Brushing aside all that was considered 'gospel' in early years, and trying to find the truth that is individually right. Of course, we never see it as a bit of philosophizing, but that's what it is. If the core values are good and right, the youth usually come back around to what they knew to be good. But you as a parent can't force it, right?

When I mean the kids do nothing, I mean just that. If it's a week-day, they wake early enough to send 2 kids to school and one to day-care. And then just while away the hours somehow. Never a notion or plan for the day or tomorrow. Every so often, a government cheque arrives in the mail, and life goes on ... It so depressing to see them so bland and empty.


Awake

Post 11

hayley

Hello sorry about the delay in replying spent a very strange period with my sister which now has me with a second sister not talking to me...lets see common thread is me must make me the the problem mmmm anyway

I have been talking with a friend recenlty about being and dwelling and it occurs to me that perhaps your daughter and son in law have it right and perhaps we are the crazy ones smiley - erm perhaps they are taking each day as it comes and really experiencing it. I have been making a conscious effort of late to notice what is happeing around me not just with people but also the sky, the birds, clouds etc etc. A friend remarked to me recently that I spend too much time living in the future with regard to plans and goals and I had to admit she was right...I have felt a strong need to reconnect more with the present.

I have just seen the movie Kung fu Panda with the boys...there is a line the past is History, the future mystery and now is a gift which is why they call it the present....got me thinkingsmiley - winkeye

So you have obviously been missed from the replys on your site...good people always are....smiley - cheerup


Awake

Post 12

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }

No, I don't think they are treating life in a Zen-like fashion, just stumbling through it day by day ... It's kinda disappointing.

Our friend in the Dublin area took her boys to see Kung Fu Panda, and the 3 of them absolutely loved it. I have been directed to rent it as soon as possible. smiley - laugh


Awake

Post 13

hayley

What did your daughter do before she got married and had children?

I have just finished watching Charlie Wilson's War not what I expected at all and if the movie is to be believed that the present predicament in Afganistan could have been so different if they had simply invested a small part of what they spent fighting the russians there in schools and infastructure to help rebuild was just too sad to contemplate.

My sister rang be today and had calmed down...but now that I reflect on events of the weekend and what she said I am concerned that the person she is intending to marry may not be all that he appears to be.
I have only met him four times and I have refrained from making any jugements until now but it would appear that slowly he is isolating her from everyone and everything and now all I hear her saying is J....says this and J... thinks this and J... reakons .....its as though she can no longer think for herself...as her first marriage was to a man who beat her and she was forced to leave with two little twin boys when they were barely a year old as she thought he might seriously harm her or the boys or worse I am concerened that 11 years down the track history is repeating itself.....

what does one do when you think someone is making a mistake but they are adults and entitled to live their lives as they see fit... I know you have to sit back and just pray...meanwhile at least the doors of communication are open again

sorry to blurt that all out but it feels better for having it outside my head if you know what I mean..and safer than saying anything to anyone connected with the situation the way my family likes to triangulate communication it's never a good idea to say anything outloudsmiley - erm...

Hope you enjoy Kung Fu Panda my boys gigled all the way through it.smiley - rofl


Awake

Post 14

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }

Before she married, she had finished school, worked a few short-term jobs, and had ambition and dreams. There is nothing wrong with either of them, there are very few jobs in the area but they ARE there. The kids just have no interest or reason to seek one. Because of all the benefits they receive, with 4 kids in the house, they bring in more money (tax-free) in a year than I earn before the tax-man extends his hand. So why bother working, huh?

My elder sister also went through a couple of bad marriages. Seems she just stepped out of one bad situation and into a worst one. The 2nd one did also try to wrap her up and insulate her from the world, but it just couldn't be for her. She has to be out and about. She ran away, literally, from that one. And appears quite happy in her 3rd marriage. With such folks, all you can do is be patient, caring, and let them know that you are there for them. You really can't drag her out of anything, ... she has to find her own way out.


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