h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK, today I got a phone call from Barnardos which is where I've been given a job over the summer as Assistant Playleader. Basically I'll be running a play scheme for a group of disabled children aged 4-7 years. Anyway, they phoned to tell me that I've got to go in to the main office on Monday to be inspected by an inspector. Don't know what he or she is looking for or is interested in but I'm nervous about it. It's now eight days until my play scheme starts running. Loads to do and they want to inspect me. Beam me up somebody. Plus I'm having a bad hair day. Why won't my permed hair curl today? It did it yesterday. Arrgh!

There's only one thing I've got to say, scharstenfreuder.

The Dr banana people just want to make sure you're not mentally unstable that's all...Panic!

Only joking.

Who are you calling a banana? We haven't been called Dr. Barnardos since about 1930. We are officially known as Barnardos Salford Families Project thank you very much!

And, just for the record...I'm now a nervous wreck. we've got so much to do before Thursday and they want to inspect us on Monday. Somebody invent a twenty-five hour day please! The top and bottom of it is we just aren't gonna be ready and as a result the GCSE art work is gonna get damaged by our little angels when they get their hands on the paint and crayons. But, they instisted on letting us use the art rooms at the school so it ain't our fault. Help!!!!!!!

Little tipette, have a rather large meat cleaver on standby and tell the little dears the following:

GO ANYWHERE NEAR THOSE THINGS AND MAY BOB HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL.


If they ask who Bob is tell them he's God's best mate who doesn't like people messing with other folks stuff.