h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Arrgh! I need empty washing-up-liquid bottles for 18 children who will be on my play scheme for Barnardos this year and I haven't got anywhere near enough. I wanted on each really but when I went on my final collection today it would seem from my calculations that I'm a few short. Why do people insist on using dish washers instead of doing it the traditional way? I'm not nervous really. Today is Monday, play scheme starts a week tomorrow and I don't have enough washing-up-liquid bottles. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

The way I see it you have three choices:

1. Ask all the kids parents to supply at least one washing up liquid bottle as a down payment for getting their kids back at the end of the day *Cue evil manic laughter*

2. Go to Tesco and buy a truck load of cheapo washing up liquid and pour them down the sink.

3. Panic *Cue some more manic laughter*

Either way, I'm glad I'm not you at the moment *Even more manic laughter*

*manages to restrain himself from more laughing for a moment*

There's one other choice but you're not going to like it....

4. Beg your absolutely drop dead gorgeous ex-boyfriend to help you out..for a price

*muffled giggle*

OK, the first suggestion was good... in theory. BUT, I've already visited all my families and made an agreement that the only things that children will need on play scheme are a change of clothes, packed lunch and medication if neccessery. Nice try but not practical.

Second, we can't really ask Tesco or any other local supermarket (including Walkden and Irlam Tesco) for anything else since we have been round begging for empty banana boxes for the kids to paint and keep their stuff in. Plus I've got no money until pay day which is when play scheme finishes. Not really an ideal suggestion.

Third, 'panic', I've already been there, done that, bought and worn out the t-shirt.

Fourth. This seems to be the best idea that you've EVER come up with. Please, please, please will you collect empty washing up liquid bottles for our water fight during 'water week' (we have to have themed weeks) and/or empty butter/marg./yoghurt pots to make boats from. We've been given a figure of eight toy from next door which used to be Lauren's. You may have seen it. It's the blue thing where the boats float round by turing a water wheel. BUT next door have lost the boats. Arrgh!!! Please help us and tell everyone you know. Water week begins on Thurs 3rd August. Short notice I know but I didn't know you'd want to help. BTW, I can't pay you coz I ain't got no money but you can gain the satifaction of knowing that you've done one of many good deeds this summer. Thanks a lot!!!!!!!

I'll see what I can do, I'll try t get as many as possible, which'll be about two. I don't want to help as I'm busy busy busy myself, I'm just trying to bail you out...again

And what exactly do you mean by 'again'? Cheeky!!! Anyway, excuses, excuses. Why is it that men do a disappearing act when it comes down to a bit of hard graft? Typical!!!! I was only joking anyway because it would be too late even if you did want to help because the police check would take too long to go through. Damn! He got away with it again!!!!

What can I say, I taught Paul Daniels all I know