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james007 Started conversation Mar 25, 2000
Greetings. As a marketing guru, I thought you might like these additions to your beer range.
XXX and vomit. Perfect for your twelfth beer on a Friday night - just ask for an "XXX and vomit", then open the bottle, go outside, and pour it onto the pavement. Stop that stomach-muscle inconvenience and cut out the middle-man; buy the vomit from behind the bar.
XXX and crisps. A perfect compliment to our best-selling XXX and peanuts range. Coming soon: XXX and foam shrimps.
XXX Export. Only available overseas.
XXX Party Pack. Contains:
- 24 cans of XXX, including one where the ring-pull is carefully designed to snap off, thereby entertaining your guests with your attempts to get into the can using just a knife.
- One knife
- One bandage
- One hospital treatment token
- A condom party pack. (NB: Not to be used for sexual intercourse. Not that you'll be in any fit state anyway.)
- One video, containing some dodgy 50's film and marked "THE ONLY THING ON SO WE THOUGHT WE'D WATCH IT"
- Blow-up angry neighbour, for use after midnight. Has voice-chip with "Keep the bloody noise down here... if you don't mind" pre-programmed (British model only).
- Blow-up SWAT team, for use at any time. Includes ludicrous uniforms, over-large machine guns and silly stickers saying "POLICE". (US model only)
Cheesy XXX - the same beer you know well - with a intriguing cheesy taste.
"X.5" - trendily-packaged small bottle priced at double the price of a can of XXX. Contains exactly the same beer. Why change a winning formula?
[PS: As a marketing guru, I of course have no marketing qualifications at all.]
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I.V. BeerDwarf Posted Apr 8, 2000
I like the cut of your jib. What can I offer you to entice you to join the company as Senior Marketing Executive, or any other wanky title you desire.
The job is yours if you so wish young man!
I especially like the side "blow-up" products....
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james007 Posted Apr 9, 2000
Thanks for the job offer.
I would like to propose a job title of "Senior Marketing Executive Director General (Excellent)" which, quite apart from being suitable wanky, also has the initials "SMEDGE" which is a word I'm quite proud of.
My salary would be a life's supply of beer.
Please forward the salary to me by e-mail.
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I.V. BeerDwarf Posted Apr 9, 2000
It's a deal!
I hope the life time supply beer won't be anything from our product line, or it would be a very short life.
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I.V. BeerDwarf Posted Apr 9, 2000
What do you think of the export beer being named "XXXport"
XXXport - it's not quite beer, it's not quite port, we wouldn't drink it ourselves, but we're sure foreigners would!
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