h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why it is essential to bring a blender on your first trip to the moon

Posted Oct 18, 1999

Right, this is a very important subject, and I want all of you fools out there to stop shaking your heads, and listen carefully. If you do not, I leave it at this...you have been warned. Even if you do not read on, if you have the opportunity to go to the moon TAKE A BLENDER!
Now, I can hear some sniggers from the back (but then again, that's where the wasters always sit), but I know that I have the attention of the majority, so I will continue.
There are a number of points that need to be considered. The first is that you have a limited air supply. Now, I know that NASA and all the other big governmental space programs believe that between the air you take up in your shuttle, and that in those backpack things you'd have enough, but let me ask you this…would you trust them? Sure they have their calculations, and whatnot, but have they ever been there? No. Well I have, and let me tell you, some strenuous exercise, and suddenly your air is running low. But not with a blender (air-type variety - I suggest the Morphy Richards DeepSpace MK III). Just open that sucker, take a breath, and you're cruisin'. I wouldn't suggest this as the main air supply however. Though the MR DS MKIII (as we called it back on the job) is HUGE, it might not be enough to get you to the moon and back.
The next point, and I'll make this quick so as not to lose my target audience, is alien encounters. This has a two-fold use. If a race such as The Clangers is found, then a blender can be used to make soups and purees to offer them to show good intentions, hence cementing what could possibly become the most important interspecies relationship ever. I mean just think about the power of music! The second use is if the race is somewhat hostile. Blend those fools (and then put the resultant on to boil for a while and offer it to The Clangers as a healthy nutritious meal). Again I suggest the Morphy Richards DeepSpace MK III for the sheer power it can bring to bear on enemy fleets. For those of you with smaller craft the General Electric Encounter Model would be a better bet.
Thank you for your time, and please, just take a blender.

Discuss this Journal entry [4]

Latest reply: Oct 18, 1999