h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You used to be looking for him. You aren't anymore. Did you get too discouraged?

Sort of.

But I also came to the conclusion, that if I found him, the universe as we know it would probably fall apart. I forget now exactly *why* I came to that conclusion...

I guess as long as that was the right conclusion to come to, it doesn't matter. Maybe at the end of the universe as we know it Fred will come and find you

And that would make my day...

Actually it might not, since time as we know it probably won't exist. No doubt time will turn into a Ford Escort Convertible and drive off into the sunset, which will in turn eat marshmallows.

Perhaps.

I like marshmallows. But have you considered how stupid it is to drive *into* the sunset? You can hardly see anything, the light's in your eyes. Also, surely evening is a bad time to start a journey anyway, if its long, as the phrase seems to suggest...

Good point. But you could drive in reverse...

Now why didn't I think of that???
Then you'd not be blinded by the light, you just wouldn't see whats coming!

But you WOULD know that the sun was the only thing coming... wouldn't you? And that can't hurt anybody. Not even time disguised as a Ford Escort Convertible...

IF you drove all the way to the sun, it could hurt you. I suppose that skin cancer doesn't exist at the end of the universe as we know it. But what would pass? Time is a car now...

Well, as the car drove towards the sun, time would pass, would it not? So time passes itself... hmmm....

Going in the opposite direction, undoubtedly.

Going faster than the speed limit, too...

This shall not be permitted. Going over the speed limit is an offence, and they probably didn't notice the speed trap cameras...

Perhaps the "other" time (which we shall arbitrarily call Old Father Time) could turn into a policeman and arrest the other "other" time (which we shall non-arbtrarily call Old Mother Time)...

And take her to the nick... 'cept I can't remember what it is they're supposed to say...
but since its the end of the universe, will she get off with a caution?

Quite possibly... but she might have to be breathalysed, because you just never know what time gets up to in this day and age...

It can be *quite* disgusting.
*looks prim*

Mmmm... what have we here? Drink-driving is a time-honoured tradition, and here we have time dishonouring it... tsch!

*tries to look authoritative and fails completely*

I don't know what we should do... perhaps we should put time in a holding cell for dereliction of Duty...but if time is in a holding cell, we'll have to employ yet another time to pass!

Soon we're going to run out of time...