h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey PdaQ, I am editting my horror story "Hannah", and I have doubts regarding your comments. You said I should insert some dialogue here and there..where exactly were you thinking of? between Hannah and her neglecting parents?maybe Hannah and Alice? or were you referring to the addition of some voices?
I have changed the first part of the story to the present tense, as Hannah still exists. You also suggested using the first person...the first person being who? Hannah or a victim trapped in the house?
I hope you dont mind me harassing you with questions

I have contacted Neo about "the other side"

Hi mergirl,

Don't see you posting too me as 'harassment', quite the opposite.

Look, we all see things differently. I write, trying to control 'pace' with sentence length. Short sentences speed the reader up, long sentences slow them down. Dialogue breaks difficult areas up. I thought that the first scene setting part could well drift in and out of Hannah's thoughts. So when it is her thoughts, let her actually say it.
ie. instead of referring to the cold, let her say
'It's cold. So cold.' It builds atmosphere, and tells the reader about her.
Yes, let Hannah be the 'first person', while she can be. When she slips into evil, it will be the more so, because the reader will think that he knows her a little.

This weekend, I am going to look at your idea more thoroughly, and try to be more useful. If you have contacted Neo, then we have an email address for you. I will return my thoughts to you there. This is a good basis for a story, it would be a shame to 'loose' it onto the GW site when you are finished with the re-write.

PdaQ.