Journal Entries
Well
Posted Oct 22, 2000
Life is very simple sometimes, especially your life seen through someone else's eyes.
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Latest reply: Oct 22, 2000
2000-08-30
Posted Aug 30, 2000
Indulging in selfpity.
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Latest reply: Aug 30, 2000
2000-08-29
Posted Aug 30, 2000
Mina tankar bleknar inför allra verkligaste verkligheten:
Tänk att känna varandra i åtta år och sedan gå skilda vägar åt.
Jag kan inte tvinga henne att se på honom, och inte kan jag säga med
hennes röst att visst finns det kärlek kvar, att det bara är en endaste
grutta men det är kanske tillräckligt för att så ett frö.
Det regnar så förfärligt ikväll, medan jag letar efter ord som kan trösta. Det gör mig så ont att se honom ledsen, att höra honom säga att han inte är nog.
Men jag har inget att säga.
Om jag håller tummarna riktigt längre kanske hon kommer tillbaks.
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Latest reply: Aug 30, 2000
2000-08-14
Posted Aug 14, 2000
It seems wrong somehow, to write here. Such public loneliness.
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Latest reply: Aug 14, 2000
2000-08-01
Posted Aug 1, 2000
I went down behind Republic Plaza, to collect myself, to read for a while and rid myself of the selfpitying. It was warmer than I had expected, even in the shade, but the grass greener than ever. People siting by the stone tables idly talking. I sat down with my back against a tree.
Plath's scolding herself so very close to my own self hate. How she'd promise herself to pull herself together, her failing, her rational starting overs. Again and again. So painfully recognizeable. I drown myself in my work so I don't have to feel or face the world. And I talk in the safe distance on the MUD about things I never can share with anyone else, and hiding the rest because I don't want to face it myself. Don't want to put this into words.
A man came up to me, across the grass, saying what I was reading must be so very interesting, and I said that it was. He asked me if I was married and I said yes, laughing so that he'd know a noncomittal conversation would be all he'd ever get out of me. "Does he appriciate them there legs?" "Yes, he does" More laughter. He nodded seriously, evaluating my legs I kept crossed beneath me. "You sure?" I insisted. And he walked away.
I never used to mind a casual conversation with a stranger like this one. Why should I mind, being admired even so shallowly is nice, but this man came too close, violating my room, my space. I won't be sitting down there anymore.
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Latest reply: Aug 1, 2000
Ygg
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