h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd be perfect for the job
Heres my menu.

Sunday.
TRADITIONAL ROAST DINNER (with a twist)
Starters.
Prawn Cocktail (without prawns) Prawns are dangerous and should'nt be left lying around for several hours.
Lots of chopped salad coated in seafood sauce, served with crusty bread.

This is where the games start. Each guest will be given a pen and paper (supplied by the management) so they can all join in the game 'can you tell what it is yet'

MAIN COURSE
Roast meat (variety is not important as it all looks exactly the same once cremated)
Crunchy roast potatoes (you might want to add a disclaimer here protecting yourself from any dental costs)
Mashed vegetables....oops typo that should read MUSHED vegetables.
Perfect yorkshire puddings (thankyou Aunt Bessie) and sliced gravy.

DESSERT
Jelly, served in a cup with squirty cream and a straw (also doubles as a milk shake)

Monday.

STARTERS
Vegetable soup (note how yesterdays leftover vegetable mush can easly be whizzed up to make soup) good eh!

MAIN COURSE
Meat curry. Also using leftovers from yesterdays roast, cunningly disguised as curry. This cuts down the cost of cooking 'new' stuff.

DESSERT
Lemon merangue pie. Aunt Bessie does a great one of those too.

Tuesday
STARTERS
No starters today, the guest would'nt have room for the best bit.....the main course.

MAIN COURSE
Casserole.
This is casserole with a twist. You know how you always need lots of bread and a spoon to deal with all that gravy? Not any more! I have perfected a new way to enjoy casserole with out the mess.
Slices of casserole (yes slices, ingenious eh) slapped between two slices of bread and eaten like a sandwich. This also saves on washing up as only a small plate is needed
DESSERT
Are you kidding me! after that casserole you still want dessert!

Thursday
My day off, cook what you like!

Friday
Brilliant idea. Give all the guests a tenner and send them down the chippy!

So, what do you think? Do i get the job?

That's a tremendous menu! My only concern in offering you the job would be that you seem to have forgotten that there are seven days in a week. We would obviously like to know what you would cook on Wednesday and Saturday before we can take your application further

Firstly, there is no Wednesday in my week. I don't particularly like Wednesday's, they are a non event day so it's been abolished.
Saturdays menu is obviously the best and my signature dish. </>whispers</>
I can't say too much, people might steal my secret recipe </> whipsers </>
Needless to say it would keep your guests running back for.....

So, shall we discuss salary?

Yes, we can discuss salary. And lettuce and tomatoes too, if you like.

COD'nt you do BATTER than that?

If you're fishing for compliments, you're in the wrong plaice. Anyway, tartare for now!