h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dai dearest, you seem to have fallen off the face of this earth.

Yes, I am, in fact, basing this statement on your two days of absence.

What has occurred in the real world to keep you away from this blissful surrealism?

You're not dead, are you?

Dead? If I am no one told me, but then Im always the last to know these things.

I am alive and well and doing things away from the PC, yes it's been a struggle but I managed to break the addiction if only temporarily and have started doing things to the back garden, well trying to.

Fear not I shall return, just going to make something to eat and play with the cat

Dai

If you do die, will you give somene else mi email, so that they can let me know?

I mean, do this before you die.

Because I think people might be a little unnerved at being given an email adress by a corpse.

Wish I had a cat.

Meow,

Zio.

Of course I will, I'll even rember you in my will, when its read it will say "I remember Zio, I knew her before she became famous".

Fear not, rumours of my demise have been completely exagerated.

Why you wish for a cat? Cat's are good, you never own a cat they choose to stay with you, not like dogs (I like dogs btw) cats think differently, let me explain:

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 -
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 -
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair; must try
this on their bed.

DAY 765 -
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was.....Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 -
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was
chosen for the water torture. This time however, it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth.

DAY 771 -
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must
learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.


DAY 774 -
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is
assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...


Still want a cat?

Dai

Definitely.

If it gets sick of me, it can piss off, and I won't have to feed it.

If I get sick of it, I can give it to you, with no fear of meantal anguish for it.

And I won't have to feed it.

I'm not very good with the feeding-of-the-small-furrry-bludgers thing.

I've gone through five rabbits. Not all of them mi fault.

By the way, in case you hadn't cottoned on, your name has changed.

Just thought I'd let you know.

Zio.

Ahhh, indeed it has, I lost the leather long johns, far too hot in this weather

On the cat front, your on your own with those Missee, I have one who is 17 next month and believe me in human terms that makes her over 100, talk about wise for her years she can kill a mouse just by looking at it.

Dai