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subbing your JANET entry
echomikeromeo Started conversation Oct 26, 2005
Hey Lbclaire
I'm subbing your entry on the JANET network - you'll find the subbed version at A6227417. If you could take a look at that and make sure everything's to your satisfaction, I'd be much obliged.
subbing your JANET entry
Lbclaire Posted Oct 31, 2005
Hi Echomikeromeo!
Sorry I haven't replied for a few days - have been off work and not much access to computer. Thanks for hanging on for me.
Edited entry looks OK in the main, but I have a few points . Please don't throw your hands up in horror as there seem to be a lot but many of them are just re-capitalising things which must be capitalised because they are titles of services etc. Also, I need to be careful none of the meaning has been changed by your edits, as I work for the company and need to make sure this is as accurate as possible or I'll get into trouble!
Re. moving the History of JANET to the beginning, I still think it works better with an explanation of what the network is first, but if you definitely think it's better this way it's up to you.
In History of JANET, you've changed 'new network built upon' to 'new network was built upon'. The change alters the meaning and isn't strictly correct - the network wasn't built on top of another one, it used the old one and 'built on it' ie. improved and increased it.
Please add capitals back in to 'further education, adult and community learning' as this is the correct way of referring to them.
Please re-capitalise 'service level agreement' in the JNT Association section for the same reason.
Also please re-capitalise 'higher education' and 'further education' for the same reason.
Also re-capitalise 'primary connection', 'Sponsored connections' and 'proxy connection' wherever they occur.
Please re-capitalise 'videoconferencing service' because this is the name of a specific service.
Where you say 'JANET extended its user base to include further education, adult and community learning and schools, through the JANET interconnect.', this changes the meaning of the sentence and makes it incorrect. It's only schools that are connected through the JANET interconnect and it now sounds as though all of these organisations are. I agree that my original wasn't very clear either though - how about '...JANET extended its user base to include Further Education, Adult and Community Learning and also moved into schools through the JANET interconnect.' ?
It's definitely NOT 'known as UKERNA' in the 'JNT Association and UKERNA' bit. This is the most important point of the lot, as 'trading as UKERNA' is actually part of our name and has to be said like this for legal reasons.
In the SuperJANET section, please change ''core points of presence',' back to 'Core Points of Presence' as this is the actual name for them and they are always capitalised.
'Access links to the regional networks are connected to the backbone, which in turn deliver JANET services to individual organisations.' This makes it sounds as if it's the backbone which delivers the services (because it says 'the backbone, which in turn' - making the backbone the subject of the sentence). Sorry, this is the sub in me coming out .
In the Proxy Connections section, you have a missing space in 'allowsa'.
Sorry to be pedantic, and I know I'd groan if I saw so many nitpicks coming back from an author I'd subbed, but some of these are pretty important. In general, it looks fine and thanks for the work you've done.
Lbclaire
subbing your JANET entry
echomikeromeo Posted Oct 31, 2005
Wow, I did groan when I saw all these, but it's good that you're noticing what I miss. And it's good that this won't go up with you being hugely unhappy with what I've done to it.
I do strongly prefer the 'History of JANET' section at the beginning - I think it was out of context at the end. You still have an introduction before the first header, though, so the reader gets an idea of what JANET is.
I wasn't really familiar with your usage of 'was built upon' - maybe it's a UK thing that we don't do in the US. But if that's considered correct I'm fine with it.
I feel ever so guilty that I've allowed your entry to be butchered in this fashion. But, again, thanks for making sure I've got everything correct now, instead of throwing up a fuss when the entry appears on the front page! I'm glad I waited for you to respond before I sent the entry back...
Let me know if this is okay now.
subbing your JANET entry
Lbclaire Posted Nov 1, 2005
Hi echo ,
Phew! Glad you're not too about all my comments!
Now *I* feel guilty for making you feel guilty...if that makes sense ... You've certainly improved the layout and some of the way it reads, so thanks. It's just a weird case in that so many of the bits and pieces are important to leave as they are - perils of writing about a real-life service I suppose!
No probs to leave History of JANET at the beginning - it still works like that and other people agreed with you in PR so it must be just my weird preference!
Access links to the regional networks bit reads much better now, thanks.
On the whole, it all looks fine now, just a couple of bits where it's still not quite correct: Where you changed 'the JNT Association (known as 'UKERNA'), please can you change this back to read exactly as it did originally, ie. the JNT Association trading as UKERNA, with no brackets or quotation marks, because that whole bit is the actual name of the company.
Also, in the Proxy Connections section, this bit: 'involves an organisation headed by a primary connection or a Regional Network Operator that allows a third-party organisation to use their JANET connection' is incorrect - you can't have a Primary Connection heading anything. Please could you change it to: A Proxy Connection is where a Regional Network Operator or an organisation with a Primary Connection allows a third-party organisation to use their JANET connection.
and sorry for making you do all these changes!
Lbclaire
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