h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What do I have to do to become a Dame

I,m not a very good sailor, so solo trips round the world is out

I can't ballet dance, in fact I can't anything dance

I'm not a famous actress and anyway the last time I was on the stage was the school pantomine, I didn't even play the Dame, I played Simple Simon(type cast)

So what extremes does one have to do to be made a Dame

Even if I eventually achieved something worthy, there will always be a little thing that gets in the way?

You can change your name by deed poll to start with the word 'Dame'...

yes, but the Queen would not have used the sword that Q1 used on Drake just for a deed poll change, not quite the same

You could nick the sword...

Maybe if I married a Prince at least I could become a Duchess

Not worth it.

tell that to Camilla

How do you suggest I do that?