h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Jen had noticed she was walking alone. On the other side was Fly, sulkily sauntering.
'Oh, Fly, C'mon! Don't be like this!'
'Jen, I am not mad you know. I am perfectly sober and I swear I saw that man twice. If even my best friend doesn't believe me...'
'So what did he look like, this man?'
'Average, but his face is ... BRR. He's scary'
'Well,I'd like to believe you.. only that means we have to watch every step. I have to say I'm very uncomfortable now.
Sorry, but I'm gonna ask you one more time. You're sure he's watching us?'
'100 % positive, Jen'
'Unfortunately I'm starting to believe you..'

The sun shone on David's back relentlessly. He had been digging the whole morning. Vic was trying to move the giant pencil around Betsy's body.
'David, something's wrong. I'm dizzy with walking round the body and still no line visible.'
'Maybe it's the grass, Vic! Why do you have to do it?'
'Well, David, I don't know but normally they make nice drawings. Too bad that oak is in the way.
You wanna swap, David?'
'Yeah, I'll give it a go'
The couple switched. David now had the pencil, Vic the spade.
Vic started to dig, but soon gave up.
'David, it's so tiring. Don't know how you do it!'
'Erm, Vic, it's easier if you dig with the blade instead of the handle'
'Oh..'

Lady R. had put her playhouse-ant farm down and crossed the lawn.
'What the hell are the dunces doing?' She speeded up her pace.
She saw the grave 'WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?'
'We're working very hard, madam!' exclaimed David.
Lady R. now saw Betsy still against the oak. She was shocked but conquered her aversion and touched the cold hand 'Poor girl, what have they done to you...?'
She faced the couple again. 'HAVE YOU ACTUALLY INVESTIGATED ANYTHING?',foamed Lady R. 'MURDER WEAPON, ERM HOW LONG AGO, POSSIBLE MOTIVE,SUSPECTS,CLUES ON THE PREMISES. NO! THROW THE GIRL IN THE GRAVE, WHY DON'T YOU!'
A nervous David threw Vic in.
'OH GOD YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE EVERYTHING LITERALLY, AIRHEAD! GET YOUR WIFE OUT OF THERE AND START INVESTIGATING! THAT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO FOR THE POOR SERVANTS DIGNITY!'
Lady R. was only halfway through her lecture when she heard the clatter of hooves. It was professor Rich Dee-Caff! She had forgotten her veiled hat! She ran towards the castle almost at the speed of light...

TO BE CONTINUED