h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After a few minutes of doing this while the cat-thing laught/squeeked evily... Ford sudenly relized that she haden't passed out with in the last to minutes. With the complete joyus shock of this, she passed out.

Meanwhile....




~Yeah yeah... I know it kind of throughs that scene off a bit... but I had to make SOMEONE pass out!~

Meanwhile, Fred and Midnight were cowering with fear in the corner of a black van, as they sped quietly away from the WIP headquarters. The two pink-clad adventurers looked very out of place amongst all the black, but they were more worried about their comrade, Ford, and what she was up to.

Where was she? Was she lying on a stretching rack in a Day-Glo torture chamber? Being submitted to watching all the Barbie movies in a row? Or perhaps passed out somewhere - yes, that seemed more likely, as it had been happening a lot lately. The two of them each had the same thoughts - FORD!! WHERE ARE YOU?

Fortunately they did not have long to dwell on these melancholy imaginings because an enourmous man, wearing a black suit, black sunglasses even though it was dark in the van anyway and a sort of speaker thingy in his ear who had been watching them intently as the previous two paragraphs passed by leaned closer to them, and beckoned with a meaty hand. The two leaned closer.
"Look," said the stereotypical MIB man, "we're taking you to Area 51, okay? The sooner you two are away from those WIP freaks, the better,"
"But... but..." stuttered Fred, overwhelmed by the sheer size of the man before him. "Ford... she's..."
Fred went pale and nearly collapsed again, but the bodyguard guy prevented it from happening, using some kind of secret FBI technology. Midnight was shocked.
"Hey! Why do you FBI people always keep the cool gadgets to yourselves? That's really selfish of you, you know! There are people out there in labs struggling to invent stuff that you guys thought of decades ago! Do you know how irresponsible that is? I really don't..."
And she stopped there, as the FBI dude shut her up by making her pass out by using a different cool gadget.

Fred seemed to have got his vocabulary back.
"Now look, Mr Dude," he said, "are you on our side or not? We're going to need all three of us awake and fully operational if we're going to get the Question of the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe and Everything from those WIP chicks. Oh, crap..."
Fred covered his mouth with both hands before the rest of the details of the trio's top-secret mission came tumbling from his mouth. The big FBI dude, however, did not seem surprised.

"We know these things already, Mr Fred," he said. "We're the FBI - it's our job to know things. That does not matter. What matters is your total cooperation with us. You see, we are also after the Question, and we need your help to get it from the WIPs. They discovered it completely by accident, don't understand it and do not deserve possession of it. It is our mission to get it from them."

"But, Midnight found out you had the Question already - that's why we're here. It's just that we found the WIP first... and luck we did, really, otheriwse we would have thought you had it."

"How did Miss Midnight discover this information?" asked the FBI dude, in a curious tone. "I was not informed of this."

Fred suddenly looked abashed. "She... uh... hacked into your mainframe..." he said, staring at his feet and shifting nervously like a naughty schoolboy.

"Hmmm. Interesting." mused the FBI dude. "The WIP must have some intelligence somewhere. They've stolen the HTML code from our site and put it onto their own. See, the whole world knows that the FBI exist. However, about 0.003% of the population know that the WIP exist. Making their site look like ours is a surefire way to protect their identity, and anybody who had the skills to ... ahem... hack, wouldn't realise that the information did not in fact belong to the FBI."

Fred considered this. "Clever..." and then he came to his senses.
"Hey - if we're joining you guys, can we ditch this pink outfit? I've been killing for some clothes that aren't fluorescent!"

"Why ceratinly," said the FBI dude. The briefly brought Midnight round, and once she'd stopped babbling they briefly filled her in on what was happening.
"But we have to rescue Ford!" she said.
"Oh yeah..." said Fred, suddenly remembering. "Well, we can do that while we're at it. In the meantime, I think we're about to be fitted out with some cool black clothes and some equally cool gadgets. You'll finally get your hands on some of this technology you've been so desperately craving."
With that, Midnight gave in.

The FBI dude led them to, strangely enough, a room, which had been concealed in the van.
"More FBI technology," said the bodyguard guy. "Have fun!"
He went into the room with them as Fred and Midnight beheld one of the most glorious sights they were ever to see - a whole room full of cool black "fighting" clothes and two screened-off cubicles where they could try them on. The two were amused for hours as they tried on this and that, while the van sped through the desert to the REAL Area 51.
Finally, they emerged into the inner part of the van, happily dressed in black, with the pink clothes carefully locked away, where they would hopefully never see them again. The van finally pulled up, and the two of them, looking like they'd just stepped off the set of "The Matrix" strode casually out of the van and into the cool efficientness of Area 51, followed closely by the FBI dude.

While all this was happening, Ford woke up in a haze of pink for about the fifth time that day. She found she was still strapped to the chair, and cursed herself for passing out again.
"Not to worry, Fred and Midnight will come and rescue me," she thought.
And indeed, they would rescue her, but not just at that moment. Instead...


(sorry that I wrote so much... but I got inspired. It's over to you guys now.)

~( what are you talking about? That was great! you didn't write to much! erm I don't know what to write. I'll let Ford have a go, and if she isn't on for a while then I'll write)~

"Like HELLO!"
a WIP had steped onto the room where ford was struggling against her restraints...
"like im gonna kick your ass if you dont let me like GO!" ford was screaming a bunch of curses at the WIP
the WIP looked startled and put her hand over fords mouth
"like shut up! im like here to like HELP you!"
ford burst out in histarical laughter
"no im serious"
the WIP had droped the 'like' rutine and was actually being "normal"
"well?.... UNTIE me!"
the wip looked around and grunted some wierd password and the ropes imeadiatly came off
"err... thanx"
"no prob, now hurry up, we gotta get outta here before 'princess' comes back!"
"princess?"
the wip didnt answer but ran from the room with ford on her tail
"i hope the others are ok!" thought ford.


sorry i cant write more... im at a friends house so ya
cheers
ford

Ford followed the WIP with the strange ability to speak a sentence without a "like" in it through rabbit-warren corridors of pink. This WIP seemed to know where she was going, a left here, a right there, and before they knew it, they had come to a rapid halt outside a door with an intercom beside it and the number 4078 painted on it in white. Overhead, a pink fluorescent light flickered.
"Hang on a sec," said the WIP, and she bent over towards the intercom thing, which, upon closer inspection appeared to be a voice-ID panel.
"Like, state your name!" it said, in a computerised imitation of Barbie.
"Anouk Stewart," said the pink-clad WIP agent, adding a girlish giggle to the end of her surname.
"Access, like, granted!" squeaked the security device, and with a small click, the pink door swung open. Anouk beckoned to Ford with a manicured finger.
"Come in."
What met Ford's eyes astonished her. Nothing she had come to expect from a WIP agent existed in this room. Instead, in one corner beside a window stood a bed with a dark blue doona on it, and on the other a desk, scattered with things like Sherlock Holmes novels, ballpoint pens and screwed up bits of paper - none of it either fluffy nor pink. The walls, once baby pink, were covered with posters of sixties rock stars and surveillance maps. There was even a blue electric guitar leaning against a wardrobe, which itself contained nothing pink.

"Welcome to room 4078, my dormitory," said Anouk, closing the door with a snap. "Sit down, make yourself comfortable."
Her voice now was nothing like the girlish twitter of before, it instead had a more mature quality to it, and Ford felt herself relax, in spite of her mind telling her to keep up her guard.
"Here, have some Pepsi," said Anouk, chucking her a can of cola, and cracking one open herself. Ford looked at it suspiciously.
"I didn't poison it, you know," Anouk said, smiling. She tucked a fold of brown hair behind her ear and tilted her head back as the Pepsi ran down her throat. Ford gave in and broke the seal on her own can, savouring the flavour of something that wasn't pink for once.

"I guess I'd better explain," began Anouk, "I mean, sure, I'm a WIP agent, but I'm not like those others out there. I joined when I was sixteen and naive, but being the only one here who didn't care what colour her eyeshadow was really set me apart from the others. Now, I don't even want to be a WIP. I've seen the sort of stuff they foolishly do, and I'm trying to gather enough information to destroy them from the inside."
She tossed aside her empty Pepsi can and sat down on the bed beside Ford, picking up her electric guitar and absent-mindedly strumming it as she did.

"Right... cool..." said Ford, sipping her Pepsi carefully, "but why do you need me? I mean, sure, thanks for rescuing me, but... uh... how did you know I wasn't one of them? And who is this 'princess'?"

"The Princess is that weird cat thing who's been keeping you hostage. She's the head of this whole operation, and I work very closely with her. Little does she know I'm working to destroy her. That's how come I knew you had broken in and didn't belong - she's dead mad that you and your two buddies got in. I had to do something!"

"So, what's our first plan of action?" asked Ford, who had warmed to her by this stage.

"Well," said Anouk...

(I have to go to dinner now. You guys keep writing... )

(i was reading this when i got busted....)


..... "i have been working on a plan for several years now" Anouk said putting down the guitar
she stood up, walked across the room to the poster with the picture of the blueprints....'pinkprints' as it said on the poster..... and pushed a convienently hidden button.
Then everything went black!
"uhhh..... erm what?" said ford into the blackness
"oops" ford heard Anouk say... "wrong button!"
Suddently everything reappeared, but there was a bunch of poster boards with plans and formulas and all that secret mumbo jumbo
"whoa!" fords jaw dropped to the floor


(sorry, brain freeze, cant finish)
cheers
ford

As she bent down to retrieve her jaw, Anouk brought a laser light out of her pocket and began talking very fast as the light zoomed from one aspect of the plan to another.
"Alrighty then," she said. "Here's what we do. This here" - she circled a big block of land on an aerial map with her laser light - "is the WIP headquarters. Our target. And this here" - she circled another block of land, about thirty centimeters to the left of the WIP headquarters - "is the MIB headquaters. Our base. I am under the impression that the MIB have your friends in their care. They will probably be going under basic training now."
Ford, who was now sitting upright on Anouk's bed, having found her jaw somewhere in the dark recesses under the bed and sucessfully reattached it, breathed a sigh of relief. "So they're safe," she said, glad to have some news of her fellow adventurers at last.
"Yeah, don't worry about your pals. They'll be here soon enough. Anyway, as I was saying..." she turned to another map on her board, and started to point out things with the laser light. The dancing red beam, avidly followed by Ford's eyes, began to make her dizzy, and her head span. As she was in danger of passing out for the fifty squillionth time since this story began, she closed her eyes for a moment and steadied herself. Then, interruping Anouk's fierce tirade of directions and plans, ("... and over here is the canteen, where they make the secret sauce - if you look closely you'll notice...") she politely yet firmly asked her to turn the darn thing off.
"Oh, sorry," Anouk said, and placed it back in her pocket. She then began pointing things out with her finger almost as fast as the laser beam had been. The flow of words escaped from her mouth again, full of long words and complicated instructions. Ford's mind, as it had quickly learned to do when she discovered that her Junior High teachers weren't going to shut up during lessons shut itself off from the surrounding sounds. She began to daydream, looking at the "pinkprints" with glassy eyes, and wondering what Fred and Midnight were up to at the MIB base. She wished she were there with them. Images of hyper-powered jet-packs and automatic griphooks filled her mind. It would be so cool to save to world. She pictured herself, looking very cool in a black spy outfit complete with obscuring sunnies saving the world. Yeah, she'd save the world, and all the movie stars would fall in love with her and she'd spend her life lying around in a comfy mansion while Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom argued over her in the next room. That would be the life...
"Did you get all that?" said Anouk, breaking off from her talk.
"Uh... sure..." lied Ford, who had taken in nothing. As much as she liked Anouk, her long talk had been almost unbearable.
"Right," said Anouk. "Are you ready to begin Phase One, then?"

Ford panicked and narrowly escaped passing out.

Anouk took Ford's nervouse look as a yes.

"Ok the!" She said, clapping her hands togeather in a buissness-like manner, "let's get on with then." She pushed a button and the plans dissapeared. She walked over and grabed a small bag that had been lean against the wall. Suddenly the room dissapeared in a flash, and Ford found her self standing in a long dark rook, that smelled oddly like meatloaf. As the room came in to focus, she realized that Anouk was standing next to her.

"wha... what..?" Ford muttered hopelessly.

Anouk gave her a look wich one might interperate as, "I told you that allready" wich was because that exactly what she had done, except Ford hadn't been listening.

"Ok. good luck! You know what to do" Anouk said before she darted out of the room. Ford stood their, cursing her self for day dreaming. What was she suposed to do now, and where was she? And WHY, did it smell of meat loaf.

"Hey, Ford!" called out a voice from behind. Ford spun around to find Midnight and Fred siting at a table, in stylish black suites, plating with cool gadjets and eating meatloaf. "How did you get here?" asked midnight.

Ford ran over happily, "oh well..." she said, " I don't know really. I met a WIP who wasn't all.. well WIPish, and she told me our mission, only i wasn't litening... and well then she picked up this bag thing that was againsted her wall. It was black. the bag! not the wall... well the wall was sort of black, but thats only because there were alot of black posters on it. Well... not all the posters were black... er..?"

Ford decided to shut up. Her heat was still racing with surprise, and her words were fumbled. plus no one was really listening. Midnight was trying too, but it was obviouse she was very confused, and Fred was too busy fiddling with a 'MEMORY BLASTER 9000' to give any notice.

"oh.." said Midnight, "well we're glad your ok... we were very worried wern't we Fred?"

"huh?" said fred looking up from his new toy, "were we?... hey? who are you?"

Midnight shook her head and apoligised, explaining that Fred must have zapped his memory again.

"what? who's fred?" he asked

"effects should wear out in an hour." said midninght. then Fred Zapped him self again. "or not.." she said snatching away the zapper.

"so... what's with the meat loaf" asked Ford.

"oh." midnight said blushing, "that... well..."

~ Ok... I have no idea what to write next.~

"Oh," said Midnight, blushing, "that... well..."
Fred had finally given up on the Memory Blaster. It seemed as if his memory had suddenly returned (his body was becoming immune to the blasts because he had done it so often).
He cut in: "Midnight has that meatloaf because there's this guy back at the MIB headquarters who likes her."
"He's an idiot!" Midnight blurted out.
"Yeah, well anyway," said Fred, "he asked her what she really wanted, more than anything in the world, and because she just wanted to get rid of him, she said 'meatloaf'."
"Yeah, and then the idiot turns up the next day with this whole platterful of meatloaf, looking at me with puppy dog eyes. How could I say no when he was looking so dopey? Me and Fred took it and... well.. we got hungry. So we ate it. Okay?"
Ford was doubled up in laughter. Midnight did not look impressed. "Say it - you like him!" Ford wheezed, in between laughs.
"Okay," Midnight sighed. "I like him. So what?"
Both Fred and Ford were laughing now. The sound echoed down the corridor and brought Anouk running back, just as Midnight was shouting at them both to shut up.
"Agent Midnight," she panted, out of breath and doubled over. "Pleased to see that you've found your team member, but would you kindly refrain from shouting at her? This is an undercover operation we're trying to run here - we don't want everyone to know where we are!"
"Sorry, Agent Anouk," Midnight apologised. Ford and Fred had recovered enough to stand upright again, and they were both looking attentive.
"Uh... Anouk..." said Ford, scuffling one shoe in the dust, "I... um... don't know what we're doing. Would you mind going over it again?"
Anouk sighed, but she was not angry, rather half-amused. "I suspected as much," she said. "Okay, everybody back to my room and we can all go over the plan together. And this time, Ford, pay attention. Okay?"
Ford nodded and the three of them trooped back to Anouk's room.

(this has to be a record - my shortest post here ever!)

(lol)

Using the same black bag that Ford and Anouk used to get there, they appered, almost by magic it seemed, back in Anouks room. She strolled over to the button and pressed it. Once again, the maps and blue prints unfolded and she pointed with her finger at them.

Midnight looked around and Fred amused himself bouncing up and down on her bed. Anouk looked impatently at them.
"Can you all pay attention please?" she asked. Midnight blushed, "Sorry Agent Anouk!"

Fred grunted.

"er? sorry, quick question," saide Ford, "But how do you know of Anouk Midnight? you've been over at the FBI place shoving Meat loaf in your face!"

Midnight rolled her eyes as it it was obviouse, "well...

~er... has every one forgotten about this thing?~

(No - I haven't... the thing is, it takes heaps of time for me to post and sometimes I don't have the time. I will keep posting when I get some spare time to... ok? Or we could just say "Suddenly a meteor hit the Earth and everybody on it was annihilated, including Fred, Ford, Midnight and Anouk. The End" but that's a cop out and I personally wouldn't like to be annihilated just right now...)
(I promise I'll post some more story, okay?)

"well we uh..." stuttered midnight
"*sigh* we are sisters!" replyed Anouk
midnight looked away
fred stared at midnight and ford stared at Anouk
"wow... WOW! thats awsome! thats.. cool ya er... so" blabed ford
"ya, er... cool" muttered Anouk "lets get on with the plan shall we?"
"YES! lets!" midnight seemed eager now "um... so if we want to get the question of life the universe and everything, and get out of here alive, of corse, and destroy the WIB... whats the first plan of action?'


(ok you guys can take it from here, i just wanted to get this started again)
cheers
ford

k ill start it again thats cool


"uh... uh... uhh..." studdered fred, who hasnt said much for a while.
"well" Anouk said, ignoring fred stutters "The questin is here with the MIB right?"
midnight turned pale
"RIGHT?!?!" Anouk edged on
"uh uh uh uh no.... thats what the MIB said" muttered fred
"WHAT?!?!" screamed ford and anouk at the same time
"ya, well er.. theres a funy story about that! hehe... erm, one of the MIB agents was a WIB agent, and stole it ... they took it back to the WIB headquarters and er... hid it, i guess" explained midnight
"oh great!" ford went on a swearing rampage as fred covered his ears "*@#& (*#&!!! oh sorry fred...."
"well now what?" aked anouk




ok i just wanted to get it started... i gotta go, iv wasted... ok not waskted, but spent most of today on here so i better get off
cheers
ford

As fred twitched uncontrollably from the horrible violence from the cursing... the rest of the group walked over to the corner for a huddle/confusing talk.

"Well... I say we just find a way to work the problem out while we're here, seems as my magic bag is running out of fairy dust"

"Fairy dust?"

"Shut up. Yes."

"ok guys... where do we start then?"

"You work for a top notch, high tech, secret organization and you have to use FAIRY DUST???"

"SHUT UP MIDNIGHT!!!"

"Guys can you cool it?"

"yeah... midnight we need to get some work done!"

"well you started it!"

"GRRRRRR!!!! @!^#((*$%@#%#*!!!!!!"

"OUCH STOP IT!" fred yelled from across the room.

"sorry!" Ford called out, then turning back to the huddle she said, "seriously though guys... we need to start working this out... hey I've got a plan.... listen.............."




~thank you for getting it started again ford!.... er twice...

*no prob!*




Ford turned around and grabed his backpack and pulled out a white board and pen "i knew this would come in handy!"
then he sat down and scribled abunch of nonesence then said "rice pudding!"
midnight and fred stared at ford like he had a brain sucker on his head
"OH! I Get IT!!" yelled anouk.
"errr.... what?!" asked midnight
"*sigh* ok, scrap that idea, lets jst use the nukes and make a pink smoking hole where the WIB headquarter is!" sighed ford, smashing his head with the white board
then fred got struck with a briliant idea "Or...."

"We could hypnotise the head of the WIP and steal the question from her! She of all people should know - I mean, she heads the organisation, doesn't she?"

"Well, yeah," said Anouk, "but she's one smart beast. She'll know what we're up to. Plus, her office is heavily guarded by thugs who won't think twice about beating someone up for entering unauthorised."

"Duh!" said Fred, "we kidnap her while she's on her lunch break or on the toilet or something... some time when she's not surrounded by guards. We feed her some of that 'Secret Sauce' so she passes out, then we tie her up, and when she comes to we hypnotise her before she can complain! It's foolproof!"

Nobody could argue with that, so they grabbed a marker and began working out strategies - the who, what, where, when and how. Midnight was put in charge of surveillance, Anouk and Fred would work out the details of the kidnapping part of the plan and Ford, who had a hypno-ring and a PhD in Hypnotism stashed in her magic bag, was in charge of the actual hypnotising.

They planned long into the night, not knowing that...

'wait a minute..." said ford "isnt she a cat?"
"er... a big fluffy pink cat with wings... yes... why?" said fred, scribbling on the board... "er... hate to tell you this... but you cant hypnotize cats!" said ford...
'WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" said ford "DID I JUST HEAR FRED SAY WHAT I THINK HE SAID?!"
fred looked a little red in the face while ford was laughng his head off
"NO! I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING!! AHH!!!" fred dashed out of the room and slipped on the carpet...


(k i gota finish my friends are here)
cheers
ford

~hang on a second... what did fred say? WHAT DID I SAY??? i don't get it...???~

( you swore! im so proud of you!)... hhaaha, sorry! i had to! it wasnt a bad one... dont worry
cheers
ford