h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello,
I'm new as well. I'm posting because I like your name. I'm a fan of the Japanese director Imamura. I read the book Musashi. I dreamt once of becoming a samoerai myself, or if that was not possible, being a geisha in Edo.
Well if you have wish, we can perform a tea-ceremony and exchange some samoerai-adventures.
By by for now.

i would enjoy very much to partake in the tea ceremony and regail of your travels.

My dear, I'm on my knees. Wait, I will put the kettle on. I shuffle back to the table, I bow my head, did you notice my hairdo?
It took me and my hairdresser one day to fix it into the proper style. My obi is tied into the professional way. I can play several instruments, including the traditional ones. The time of blossoming cherrytrees is over. The rainy season has started. I'm too young too look for a 'danna'. Tell me, now the doors have closed, where do you come from and what are you seeking here?

Cup of tea?

thank you klaasvaak-san (i hope you are male, if you are female please for give me miss kaasvaak i apologise for the gender confusion) but i have a bottle of saké slung through my obi, it has been a good spring it should be delicious.

Yes, it certainly was a good spring. Please, do sit down.
(I hope you didn't forget to take your shoes of. The owner of this teahouse is very particuliar about refined manners. I know her well, she's an old collegue of former times. In her youth she was a beauty and as a geisha managed to earn her weight ten times in gold. She was able to pay of her debts to her 'mother'. She set herself up as an independant geisha. When she got older and desired to retire she took over this ancient and well-known teahouse in Pontocho. The shrewd business-woman she is, she's doing very well for herself.)

I beg you, Himura-san, do not worry about gender-confusion. There is no problem there at all. At the moment I'm in my disguise as a geisha, but I can throw some nice Ninja-kicks if you're interested to see a demonstration.

'The road is long. One could stray from the right path.'

Yes, yes. I remember my ronin-days very well. When was it, was it in 1626 I set foot on Japanese soil for the first time? Euh, euh, it might be a couple of decades later. My memory is not that flexible anymore that I can with one flip of the vingers recall past times. Be patient, it will come back to me.

You brought your own sake! That is great.
'On the road a man should always be prepared', uuh, 'there might be ambushes on his virtue'.
Well, here's a cup for your sake. To your health. I will join you later. First, I need my cup of tea. Lapchuchong. Very nice. It's Indian, I believe, or perhaps Chinese.

'The day is young, it will become later'.

It is good to make your acquintance, Himura-san.

no shoes my sandals are at the door. aah nice warm saké, so where are you from? (wereabouts in germany)

I beg your pardon, Himura-san, Germany?
What on this planet Earth makes you suddenly think of Germany?
Is it the rain that is pouring out of the grey sky, and the view on the wild waves of the river Kamo that we can see from the opened sliding doors of this room that makes you suddenly visualise a country on the old continent? Let me guess, your origins lie in Europe?

no reason yes my origins do lie in europe...i guess your handle seemed to be very german looking.

"My handle", ha! That certainly is funny, Hamuri-san.
Hmm, yes this really is a nice cup of Lapchuchoung. It certainly makes a difference to the well-being of the mind, the senses and the body.
Are you accusing me of planting a flag near a hole on your beach, Hamuri-san?
"My handle", please elaborate your remark.

My apologies for mispronouncing your name, Himura-san.
It just shows my confusion in regard of your statement about the "handle".

handle a name used on the internet, klaasvaak-san (or miss klaasvaak) i dont think i every got a straight reply to your gender, indeed shrouded in mystery.

Yes, but what does it mean on the internet? Please do explain.

I am a geisha. I work in the amusement-district of Kyoto, Pontocho. So there is no gender-confusion there. I never met nor heard of a male-geisha. But perhaps you, Himura-san, in prevail of your travels can enlighten me on this subject.

on many a travel i have been ambushed by ninjas in geishas kimono's before so i wouldnt surprise me miss klaasvaak, and a handle is simply another word for nickname. i dont know what made me think of germany but if i offended you im sorry.

Did you offend me? Most certainly not. Germans do not frighten me, but geisha's dressed up in Ninja-warrior costumes do.

Ah, a nickname is what a 'handle' means to say on the internet. Thank you. Yes I wondered about my nickname 'KlaasVaak' as well. If I remember well, it is the name of a storyteller on one of smaller planets in the constellation Fornax.

Your words, Himura-san, about Ninja's dressed up as geisha's attacking travellers on their long and wary road do not surprise me. It is known that in times of havoc people tend to play dirty tricks on eachother. It is a scandal men dressing up as geisha's, it's a ruin for our professional reputation.
Prey, where and when did this happen. How did you escape and survive the
attack?

unfortunately with much blood shed, i stole away after putting one down thanks to the mistress of the tea house, without her help i would not be here today

What here? In this teahouse? Just now?
My dear friend, I'm perplexed.

I swear on the belly of the Buddha, I've got nothing to do with it. Nothing whatsoever.

be calm miss klaasvaak, i do not suspect you of the ambush, it was years ago, i have long since sheathed my swords for anything but to protect those in need of it.

Pity, Himura-san It would have provided a good occassion for practising my Ninja-kicks.
Well, you're vivid introduction of your story asks for another cup of Lapchuchoung. Oh bugger, I need something stronger. I'll ask the shikomi to bring us some more sake. I take a gingersake to start with.

The kimono of a geisha is a very unpractical outfit for an attacker. It hampers the movement of the legs. And there is the danger of the wig falling over the eyes.
Do you know who your attackers were and why they attacked you? You mentioned the owner of the teahouse without whose aid you would not be drinking your warm sake at this moment.
Well, please do continue your story.

I apologize for disturbing your little sake-drinking party.
I have a SECRET and very important message for the traveling Ronin from the Shogun.