Journal Entries
Career direction
Posted Oct 25, 2000
I am currently at somewhat of a career cross-road. I am moving along quite nicely (I think) with my computer networking career. Since I last wrote, I have taken another job in my county as a WAN infrastructure engineer. That is two promotions in just about 2 years. I am moving along towards my Cisco certification (CCNP) and they have recently expanded their Security certification, which is my next goal. All things considered, I am just about where I wanted to be, perhaps even a bit ahead of my plan.
But there is the issue of writing. I have done all of this at the expense of what I have always considered to be my primary career: fiction writing. I have not even really attempted to write anything in about a year. I have a completed story that I believe is my finest work to date, and I have not sent it to a prospective publisher in 12 months or more.
I have recently been doing some work for an agency in the county and they persist in trying to convince me to come work for them. As far as I can see there is only one thing they offer that I don't feel that I have here: the job would be easy. It would give me plenty of time to coast, time that I could be using to write. I remember an essay in one of my many writer-motivation books about how the author found a cush job as a teacher of Latin or some similar dead language, one that paid his bills and gave him very little to actually do; time he spent on writing.
Which of course comes back to the whole preceeding ethics diatribes. Can I really feel good about myself if I am writing for myself while getting a paycheck from my employer?
Of course, that is exactly what I am doing at this moment...
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Latest reply: Oct 25, 2000
The ethics of ditching
Posted Dec 15, 1999
I am paid by the hour. So every hour that I am at work, my employer is expecting me to produce in excess of what they pay me. That's how it works, right? The fact that I work for a governmental agency really doesn't change that equation. So what about, like now, when I am totally wasting time, but on the clock? And if I were to argue that I am "available" should my efforts really be required, what about those times when I am literally not even at work but still on the clock?
Yesterday I went to SF for a seminar, one that I knew would probably be a tremendous waste of time, but that would give me the ability to slip away and do some Christmas shopping. Which is what I did. But of course, my time card says I was at this conference.
So am I stealing? The answer, unquestionably, is Yes! But you can slice the whole thing pretty thin and it becomes more gray. What about when I am working, actively doing something while simultaneously talking to my wife? Most likely I could be more productive if not on the phone, but I am still "working." What about when I am talking to a co-worker about a movie, but we are both working at the same time?
Yesterday, coming back from SF, I got off of BART and went to find my vehicle, and I walked past a cab at the station, the driver inside obviously asleep. Does he get paid by the hour? Probably not, I guess.
Mostly I am interested in the fact that I feel such little guilt about doing these things, partially because I know that others do the same, and many do worse. But in the study of ethics, it is not about what others do, only about what the right thing to do is.
The one thing about all of this that does bug me, though, is that it becomes eaiser to justify this behavior as you go along. So what seemed originally to be risky and improper now seems like no big deal, and that dividing line is ever receding.
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Latest reply: Dec 15, 1999
Gaining Momentum
Posted Dec 14, 1999
Not sure why, but last weekend, and going into this week, I have gained some initiative. Got a fair amount of things done today, actually came in this weekend for 3 hours, and am planning on working late Wednesday. Go figure, but it does feel good to get things done.
Saw L. at the gym on Friday, so she does work Friday afternoons, though she was helping someone, so might already be booked for the time slot that I was thinking about. It's weird how sometimes I think she looks drop-dead gorgeous, and other times "merely" attractive. I realize that makeup, hairdo, amount of sleep, all play a part but that's not it. Sometimes I look in the mirror and am just aghast at what I see, and other times I think I look maybe even above average. I think this all ties into the shopping/compliance impulse.
When one is down, and lacking self-confidence, which for me, and most, I think, is a day-to-day, hour-to-hour thing, then one is susceptible to marketing comeons and the influence of others. Especially when one feels themselves out of their element, that seems to act as a multiplier.
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Latest reply: Dec 14, 1999
Xmas slide
Posted Dec 8, 1999
The funk continues. At least today I had a decent workout at the gym. There is a trainer there, petite, blond, very fit that is my prime motivation for going. I do not work Friday afternoons so I keep telling myself that I should sign up for a trainer at the gym on Fridays to motivate me to go. Naturally, another reason is I want to get closer to this person. Let's give her a name, until I find out what it really is. Let's call her "L." (leonine, legs,... you see how my mind works). But I feel rather pathetic in making that sort of arrangement. I guess I am always wary of "trying too hard" because I don't want the girl to think I am stalking her, nor do I want her to realize just how clumsy at this sort of thing I really am. So, of course, I do nothing.
I passed one of my users in the hall this morning, an extremely annoying, falsely sincere person who works in one of our computer labs. She said, "Boy, do I need to see you!" Obviously about some complaint with the computers. I gave her reassuring nod #4 and in every outward way indicated that I would check in with her right away. It is at least an hour later, and nothing.
This journal, though, is motivating me to do personal stuff (getting my web site updated, maybe some other writing.)
I met a High School friend at Starbucks this morning. His life since then has been pretty much one disaster after another (three marriages, a child out of wedlock, never held any real kind of job for more than maybe six months). So now he is working at Starbucks, whipping out Caramel Apple Ciders for maybe six bucks an hour. He started babbling away about how much he misses gaming (our once-weekly RPG sessions), but he is so busy working two jobs and trying to go to school dot dot dot
I just felt vaguely embarrassed for him. But look at me. I mean I make decent money, but right now I am not earning any of it. I play the game better than he does, but I don't have a right to condescend.
Whoa. A little too much hand-wringing there. Sorry.
Let's see what, if anything, I actually get done today.
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Latest reply: Dec 8, 1999
Intro to me
Posted Dec 6, 1999
My name is not important. Call me "weak." I have a mostly meaningless network admin job for a mostly meaningless governmental agency. I vacillate between wanting to really do a good job and wanting to sleep under my desk. I go through periods where my motivation level is high and just as frequently I feel like doing nothing but surfing and buying stuff online.
It's getting close to Christmas, and there is definately a sense in the air around here that nothing important is going to happen for a month, so no point in starting anything. Mostly, I think, I am the one spreading this sentiment. Today is maybe a 50-50 day. I have attempted to get a few things done, and then I went and typed this.
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Latest reply: Dec 6, 1999
weakethics
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