h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was having keyboard probs the other day - turned out I needed a new USB card!

Gonna read 'Death' now - check out 'Still Standing' in my pf if you fancy a macabre giggle.

still love you hon

Love you too, babe!

BTW, I'll do almost anything to keep this thread alive!

Professing fake emotions. The shame! When one of you starts to believe it and camps outside the other's house, then you'll regret it. When they kill your cat, empty its bowels and smear the contents on your walls, then you'll regret it! When they befriend your ex, shag them, marry them, divorce them and then slay them in your honour, then you'll regret it! When they...

they're not fake, they're not sob, gulp whimper.

Sure, they're not fake. When he rolls off you, having stained you with his seed and branded you with his nails, and leaves without uttering a word, that's just love speaking. When he eats his last Rolo and laughs at you, mocking your request for it, that's just love speaking. When he promises he won't go there but then shoves in three fingers, ignoring your tears and screams, that's just love speaking.

There's nothing you can say that can destroy the beauty of what Weaver and I have. Our love is a pure, sweet thang

As sweet as ear wax and as pure as Thames water.

...on a different level, another plane, we are like two twin souls wrenched apart at the beginning of time, and finding each other now, in this millenium, entwining, breathing deep of each other, and finding in that breath the solace of the ages...

talks of planes and the millenium; nonsense that only love could concoct.

Or desperate lust.

...sounds like somebody's jealous...

I don't love you, Weaver. What would make you suggest such a thing? What, is it the way I look at you? When you think I'm staring I'm just daydreaming. What? Yes, I know you didn't say anything about that, but if you did notice I just explained it. And those love letters aren't in my handwriting, I swear. Well, you told me about those, remember? Yeah, you did, the other night. You know.

What can I say? I can't help it if I'm attractive...

Attractive of flies

button or zipper?

Those horrid ones that make the buzzing sound! Zipper.

go on, you want it, you know you do

heaving breast and wanton abandon