h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just a note to say I've completed my first run through your entry on Brunost and wanted to get any feedback you might have:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A876800

I've done a fair amount of shuffling to make the entry flow a little better... at least I think it flows better, which is why I'm asking for feedback.

I'll continue polishing it over the next couple of days and drop it off with the Editors by the end of the week, hopefully.

Cheers!

The Apprentice
Sub-Editor

You scared me! I was fearing a jumbled mess, but it looks purdy good. You are probably right about the flow, but I feel that you perhaps have left a few bits hanging in the air. The ones that I noticed the most, and that are easy to fix are:

"And you would be perfectly correct. Next to cross country skiing and trolls there are few things more Norwegian than an open-faced sandwich with Brunost."
This shufling seems to me to have created a bit of a ... missmatch. The reader would expect the second sentence to contain an explanation of the first statement, and doesn't. I think the following would fix that.
"And you would be perfectly correct. Strictly speaking it isn't, but next to cross country skiing and trolls there are few things more Norwegian than an open-faced sandwich with Brunost."

And I think that tying the beginning and ending together would be good, like adding this:
"The main use of Brunost is on sandwiches, like the aforementioned open faced kind."

I'll be watching you like a hawk. Nice work so far.

Thank you very much. Only two more suggestions.


"The upshot of this is that while 'real' cheeses are made only from the curds, ricotta, Brunost and similar"
I think similar should be replaced with 'other'. Ricotta and Brunost are very dissimilar, except from the fact that both are whey based.


Under the heading "Variations" the sentence "This entry will treat all the different types alike and not play favourites" would fit better at the end of the first paragraph than at the start of the second.

Apart from that it looks perfect to my eyes... no, wait, one more thing The use of Norwegian and translated names in the listing of types of Brunost could perhaps be consistent. But that's a very minor thing.