h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A couple of decades ago (maybe more) a Radio programme had a fun section entitled 'you know you're out of luck when' and listeners were invited to send in their ideas, I thought it was very funny so here goes...

You know you're out of luck when your face lift stops between floors.

OK here's another....

You know you're out of luck, when you pay with cash and it 'bounces'.

You know you're out of luck when the cardboard box you live in develops woodworm

You know you're out of luck when your waterproof, antimagnetic, rustproof watch catches fire.

You know you're out of luck when you feel as fit as a fiddle, but your body is shaped like a cello.

......when you've thought you'd grabbed an apple, but it turns out to be pearshaped.

Evening each... long time no see. How's tricks?

You know you're out of luck when the Dove Soap Bar you were given for Christmas decides to elope with the local tatty Wood Pidgeon

Well, thank you, and you?

You know you're out of luck when the kid who got picked even after you for sports teams at school announces her forthcomig engagement to someone rich as creosote.

Pretty good on the whole Granny; specially now I have my phone hanging on a bit of string attatched to my trouser belt loops

Although I know I'm out of luck because my dishwasher has dishpan hands

You know your out of luck when the Vet tells you that your Tortoise has developed Claustrophobia.

You know you're out of luck when the vet tells you your giraffe has developed vertigo

You know you're out of luck when the animal hide coat you ordered turns out to be a Donkey jacket.

You know your out of luck when you're all Electric and you get a Gas bill, because of the smell.

You know you're out of luck when you tell an Irish joke in a bar and it goes all quiet, then you notice the pints of Guinness.

You know you're out of luck when that light at the end of the tunnel actually turns out to be an oncoming train

You know you're out of luck when the silver grey Laptop you paid £400.00 for on eBay turns out to be an elderly black Poodle.

You know you're you're out of look when your I.S.P. provider becomes your P.I.S. taker.

You know that your out of luck when your Bank statement arrives - recorded delivery.

You know you're out of luck when you wave at the rescue helicopter from the keel of your capsized boat, and the crew wave back.