h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Jen,

I see that you've really trimmed down your portfolio. These are strange days.

I went on a trip to see friends in Sheffield at the weekend and had a few problems with my laptop on friday night(it's now gone to laptop heaven after being killed by a nasty virus). This is why I've been quiet over the weekend but I return albeit in a lower gear on my mum's windows 95 effort (slowness computeronified). So I'm back but with limited puch.

I was feeling quite bad about a few things in relation to this site and all the paranoia. I even thought of giving up myself but it's just not my time yet. I was also feeling annoyed because I've lost all my files and programs (that includes poems and stories which I'd not put on this site yet- major bummer). But hey, so be it.

Anyhow, I've felt quite chuffed with myself because I didn't do anything crazy all weekend in spite of the usual pychosis. However when i got back on site tonight I could resist but give somebody I don't know a harsh review (you know me). My target: a poem called Ode to Rod. I feel that I have a fairly independant prespective on this poem because I don't know the author or the subject particularly well. The reason why I mention such trivia is that I need to find a way of reviewing poems and giving useful feedback. I've found the best system for stories but my poem reviews are hap-hazard and usually short. What do you reckon Jen? How can I add structure to my poem reviews? Do you think I'm too harsh sometimes (e.g. I know I've been cruel to looby and gg)?

Best regards

KJ

Well soldier,

How you doing? I've been experiencing some same feelings as yourself, though I'll get over it. It's just I will be more wary of people from here on in. As for the poem you choose to review, good for ye! Couldn't have picked a better one, but then again why that one? I'm curious, suspicious even! I've read it already but have not left comment. Won't either. Couldn't be bothered.

Sorry I haven't made it round to your port to look at your own stuff, but I will. i stick by my word. Was home at my folks for the w'end, chilling out too, but it was bleeding cold there. Pissed all w'end (the weather that is, not me. I wish!)

As for the slimming of my intro? Well, just thought it needed a little further spring clean and hey, why should I reveal so much of myself? Most know me on here anyway, and it was a pain scrolling down to look at messages.

As for your poetry reviews, each to their own. All I can say is just be honest and constructive without being mean or rude. If you can't say something of worth or benefit to the author, don't bother. If is not to your liking and you are able to back it up, well go with it. I'm in no position to advise you, you are well able to decide that yourself and you know you are. If you are harsh say why. This is a site that people require and welcome feedback on and it won't all be positive. Would be a boring place if we were all patting each other on the back.
As for the ladies in question - Looby and FGG, they are more than able to take it, and give it, so no worries. I have the upmost respect for them. You should too.
Spread your wings a little and whet the appetite. There's a lot of good stuff out there, just take a dander and comment on the ones you most like or not. I have about ten poets I follow and have read all their work to date. Between us we've all built up a rapport and safe in the skin of spilling the truth and not neccessarily praise, but only when it's due.

Anyway, keep doing what you're doing and don't lose faith, OK?

Take care & speak soon,

Jen

Oh, I've just read your review on the fish poem - really good!
BTW, sorry to hear about your lap-top, at least you have some sort of access to the net I guess.

Hi again Jen

Thanks for your advice; wise words as always.

BTW? I don't understand this acronym (Big Tit Woman? Bacon Tomatoe and Wensleydale? Bite The Willy? Better Try Washing? and so on...)

I really hate mindgames. When I started using this site I was fairly unwell and my words upset a few people. I invented other characters who were anagrams of KieranJay. This was quite deliberate and i knew that people would get wise to it. I wanted to be playful but I soon realised that it upsets people and I stopped (My moderation punishment is nothing to do with this). I invented characters and screwed with peoples heads when i was out of touch with reality and attending hospital. I was so paranoid that I nearly killed myself. What's SP's excuse?

When I worked for an MOD contractor (part of the carlyle group) i lived with experience military men from all parts of the forces (including special forces). They taught me a few things and intelligence was my downfall. There was an unoffical rank at my digs and I chose to challenge it. This was great fun at first but Alph (SAS) male held a grudge in secret. He employed all sorts of mindgames (some of which are used to crack terrorists prisoners) but I felt I was coping well and I saw it as an interesting learning curve. I didn't see the trap.

When I eventually lost my job and I was asked to leave my digs (with 24 hours notice) I knew what had happened and why. I remained positive and I knew I had learned much that should be hidden from me (incidently the SAS guy is now working for GCHQ).

The human mind is a weapon of mass destruction and I know the most terrible things (I've seen those demons in jars). I've worked in the third world and I've had my brushings with the UK underworld. This has caused me much distress and shock. But I'm now a hard nut to crack and I have unsual skills. I can make grown men and women (who I hardly know) cry.

So these days, I'm on this site. I know the BBC well, they've treated me well in my past dealings with them (free beer at Wood Norton, Guided Tours of Bush house and so on- but no job yet). I'm not going to pretend that I'm special because I'm know I'm not. In fact I know exactly what i am and where i fit in and what i'm capable of. This is my main strength and it can be used in many ways. You can find insecurities in everyone. I've been forced to confront mine and deal with them without support. Most people bury there insecurities and are oblivious to the wider world.

I don't know why I told you all this but I just wanted you to understand where I'm coming from. The world is full of good and evil. The evil knows what's good and the good knows what's evil. The evil uses fear as a weapon and the good uses conscience as a weapon. Evil fears being found out and punished. Good forgives evil and looks for love.

That's all I've got to say.


KJ

P.S. Loss of liberty at 23 does have it's advantages (mainly free time to read and write). On the other hand being ill is a little bit like being sent to prison. Mental illness is th modern leprosy.

Hi Kieran,

Just wanted you to know that i've read this but have to go as my eyes are popping out of my sockets through lack of sleep, but I promise I'll drop you a wee chirpy line tomorow night. Take care and keep that well toned mind alive!

Jen

Jen,

I feel bad for off loading onto you and I sense your uneasiness. Please forgive me.

I'm not bothered that you didn't reply to my message when you said you would but I do hope you're ok. This site has caused me no end of paranoia recently and I hope you're not got too frustrated with it.

I'll keep that well toned mind alive but I won't enjoy this site as much in your absence.

Best wishes

Kieran

Hi Kieran,

I'm sorry to think that you thought I was either playing 'mind games' or yanking your cord. Not me atall. Also I didn't feel uneasy with your last post, just my last message was sent to you around 4am and I was knackered, my friend. Certainly not my game or intention to feck around with people and their feelings. Far too upfront to be lopsided, I'm afraid.
I've been away for a week and just about trying to catch up now, so therein lies my lack of communication.
'BTW' means 'by the way', but can mean whatever you wish it to mean.
I do appreciate your genuine spirit and sincerity and this is what defines you as an individual, although I am aware that you stem from a few other identities. It will be to this moniker I will reply to only as I prefer the realisation/knowledge of one personality and not entwined with tangents of another. I am also very much aware of your 'demons' and only hope that with your involvement and presence here that it can somehow ease and aids you in fighting against those brick walls. We all have our reasons for writing etc and it can go a long way to comfort, encourage and release our feelings, both good and bad. A turning inside-out of ourselves. I'm here and I'm real. Will be hoping to catch up on the work of yours I've missed by the w'end, time permitting. Stay you, stay gold and take care. If I've offended, sorry. Just know I'm here if need be, OK?

Gotta go, bags to unpack and sort out.......

Jen

Hi Jen,

Good news; I'm off moderation so I feel free

I'm starting to feel better about my work on this site. I know I can't always work to a high standard and I'm happy to drop production and get sleep when it's needed.

Freedom still comes at a price for a person with an over active mind; Jayne Kair is a spin off of mine. I've been using her to make light of a bad situation. I feel it's appropriate because it's picked a few people up. On the down side, I've noticed that Rod has got the wrong end of the stick so I'll have to apologise to him; he thinks it's another SP creation. I don't understand it because JK takes the pee out of SP constantly. I think it keeps us both out of mischief.
This is my way of dealing with the paranoia.

If you'd like to know more about my real personality then read the PSG flowerbed thread. Lot's of genuine revelations there. I'm honest with my remarks in the poetry review circle but some degree of defensive persona is always there because I don't know everyone.

Hope you had a good break in London. I'm thinking of making a trip soon myself.

Love and sincerity

KJ