h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This was great real storytelling and I kept finding myself wanting to get to a punch line.
Personally I would go chase that potential you are so intent on realising the ingrediants are already there but then again what do I know
Just one thing.....I've noticed when writers use probablys ala (probably Mount Sinai).
it kind of weakens the strength of a story, its like I am waiting to hear the story and well your not so sure its probably........To me it reads beter when you tell me he's a mountain or whatever, I learned this from my kids, they want to know was it a bear or was,nt it was it blue was it green etc
Nocrit its just for me that line stopped a nice flow. Thanks it was a nice read

I think you're probably right about the probably You know I can't even rememeber if I put that in as a note to me while I was writing it and I was going to change the line accordingly, or whether it was an aside to the reader . I'm glad you thought it was OK though. That (surprisingly?) means a lot to me. I was a bit hesitant about posting it here, now I might develop the idea a bit more and see where it goes. Who knows; I might even inflict chapter 2 on you

Thanks again for the constructive suggestions Mach.

Russ