h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Your comments in the lone wolf thread struck a chord with me.

Sometimes I feel as though hubby & I are leading separate lives under the same roof - I dread his retirement & the children leaving home. Then other times I think it's not so bad & the pros of sticking with it outweigh the cons of chucking it all in.

I hope life hasn't been all that bad for you & that whatever you decide, it all works out OK for you.

Hubby's not a bad man, and it certainly is my fault too that things have turned out as they did, because I never objected, and now I try, it's too late.
I suggested to stay together under one roof because it's easier for the kids, but he just started crying, telling me how much I meant to him and all this, in the end I said I'd try once again- but you can bet nothing has changed, it's still about his wishes and his needs, never about mine.
I just know it will never work out once the kids have left home, there are no common interests and I don't want to do what he tells me I should do anymore, I'm just too old for this.
At the moment I just go on and try to avoid quarrels, and count the years...
If you still love your hubby, you should try to go on though, try to create a new basis.

That's sad. It's so easy isn't it, to let matters drift along in the same rut. I can well understand how many relationships founder once the children leave home.

I don't really like being introspective, but sometimes I wonder if I expect more than I give, or not. You can't change someone's basic nature.
My hubby is very much adoring & his answer to most problems is 'I love you, so that makes everything OK'. He complains that I'm not romantic & I guess I'm not. I'm too practical & get irritated when he does things (without thinking) that I've made clear annoy me! I'm fond of him, but I don't feel the passion that he seems to have. My children are the centre of my life. We don't argue, we tend to sulk, which isn't very healthy. But overall we rub along well enough with our different interests that I think we can find a way forward.

H2g2 is one way of escaping for a while!

My hubby seldom tells me he loves me, but it doesn't matter because he'd rather show it than just tell me.
Since I told him I wasn't willing to go on like this, he asks me whether I love him nearly every day, I'm fed up with this question, really.
It's great I can come here and chat but I have to see to it that I'm offline before he gets home, once he got aware of my chatting he reacted very jealous, it's ridiculous, but I think he just wants to control everything.

A bit too possessive eh?

Sahara's post in the Lone Wolf/Team Player thread struck a chord with me too. So s for both of you.

I'm going through one of my 'What's the b****y point' phases and am hanging on in the hope that things will come good again. I sometimes wonder if my partner is emotionally constipated - or has some form of autism that prevents him from appreciating other people's feelings - pehaps it's just that Y-chromosome rearing its ugly head again.

I'm glad he's not a Hootooer - tho I did drag him along to the last meet. He doesn't mind my Hootoo time - just doesn't understand the need to communicate with other people the way we do on here.

s for you too.
My hubby isn't a Hootooer either,but always asks what's new, and when I reply that it would take too much time to tell (and anyway, he neither knows the people I chat with nor what it's all about) he is offended.
Although he chats via ICQ, he doesn't want me to chat, or do the games. I think he is of the opinion that I should do the housework and then sit and watch him while he's at the pc.Momentarily I have to justify every move I make or don't make, it is really difficult and my nerves are on the edge.
I would want to go to a Hootoo-meet once, but don't want to take him, he'd just spoil everything.

That is unfair. Certainly doesn't sound like equality.

I feel I shouldn't complain, my hubby lets me do what I want (he doesn't have any option!) & he will do jobs around the house if I ask. He's a willing chauffeur for the children. He pursues his own interests in his 'shack' - but I don't feel I have any space that's wholly mine & private.
Things could be a lot worse. He means well & I guess I'd rather be the unaffectionate one than have unrequited feelings.
One of my close friends seemed to have an idyllic marriage, but her husband has gone off with the office cleaner & the divorce is rather acrimonious.

I think that Y chromosome does have a lot to answer for.

Group !

I know exactly what you mean about not having any space that's wholly yours and private, there's space for each of the others, I'm the only one who has to share everything - started when I was a child, had to share the bedroom with my sister, the playroom with my brother.The only room I ever had for me alone was in the student's home when I studied
Well, it's not going to be like this for the rest of my life

Sounds like decisions have been made Sahara! Good luck with whatever you decide.

Do you have an Effoff fund? That's an idea I came across a few years ago. Any time you have some spare money, it goes into a private account - it gives you a degree of autonomy and you can Effoff if you need to!

I'm lucky in having space to myself. Recently, I've taken to sleeping in the spare bedroom sometimes. My husband has to get up very early in the morning to get off to work so he gets bad tempered if I read because the light stops him from sleeping. If I don't have an early start, I take my book and hottie to the spare room - which is ever more beginning to feel like MY room, and I can read as long as I want. If someone had told me five yrs ago that I'd be sleeping apart form my husband, I wouldn't have believed it.

I seem to have the opposite problem from both of you - your men are TOO close - and mine isn't close enough.

Funny you mention the Effof fund I've thought about that last year, but haven't done so yet.
I use to go sleeping on the sofa in the living room, which would probably feel like my room, if it wasn't - the living room. But since the boys are with their on tv in their room, nobody hardly ever spends time in it, so that's ok, but I can't do that when there's friends or family staying over night.
My hubby always is offended that I prefer to sleep in the living room,he expects me to sleep in my bed while the pc, the tv and music from the pc are running- just imagine that.
But the moment I want the pc and he wants to sleep, he tells me he can't sleep because of the light and the noise from typing
Well, all men are equal,but some are more equal - that's what it comes up to.
Back to my bed now -hubby isn't here for a couple of days

I remember hearing on the radio about someone who'd actually managed to buy a house (as a safeguard) without her husband knowing! She had to pretend she was single, it was in the days when husband/joint approval was required.

Sahara, that does sound inconsiderate. I must admit, it was bliss when my hubby was away for a week - no creeping in cos he's gone to bed early, no snoring keeping me awake, no overheating!

Amazing, isn't it, that you can be so relaxed when you're ( nearly ) alone ?
That's why I can't imagine staying with him after the children will have left, I actually wish it wasn't only one week he was away

I know what you mean.

Sometimes I wonder if I've actually built up an emotional wall - not allowing anyone to get close to me. Not that our respective personalities make it easy. We bear out a magazine article that I read recently, that men can be lustful at the drop of a hat, women need to be in the mood.

I thought that was common knowledge but I know that men still don't understand it.They can start a terrible row and then go on as if nothing's ever happened
It's women using their brains, not men

Having a husband is often like having another child in the family!

So what ages are your children? When do you expect them to fly the nest?

You tell me
But perhaps it's not their fault, you know, with their moms pampering them until they're grown and their wives continuing to do so
my kids are 13 and 16, so still a few yers before they leave
How old are your kids ?

Mine are 16 (doing GCSEs) & 19 (2nd year at uni).

These days of course, children are staying home longer & longer as they can't afford a place of their own!

When I told my eldest that he should learn to cook because it'd be not long before he'd leave, he was very surprised, asked me whether there was a law that he should move
On the other hand, it's nice to know that he likes it here, when I was his age, I couldn't wait to leave, but that's probably the difference between boys and girls